Gundam Wing and the Knights of the Round Table
by MomsDarkSecret
Summary: The GW boys are transported to Arthurian times! Quatre's little tiger is growing up. WuFei and Duo are wishing they'd looked a gift horse in the mouth, and Heero is making a name for himself. COMPLETED! Sort of. Pairings 1x2x5. 3x4.
1. What the Heck?

This is what happens when you stay up too late at night. You get really weird ideas and the next thing you know you're writing stuff down that you should probably keep locked up in the darker, more perverted recesses of your mind. Now I'm going to suck you all in with me.

**Disclaimer**: This is an original work of fiction, but the characters of Heero Yuy, Duo Maxwell, Wu-Fei Chang, Trowa Barton and Quatre Reberba Winner are borrowed from Gundam Wing AC by Hajime Yatate and Yoshiyuki Tomino and produced by Sunrise.

-o-o-o-

Chapter 1: What the Heck?

"Oh, my head!" Duo sat up with a groan. "I thought you said you knew where we were going, Quatre."

"Well, I thought you said you could fly that tub!" Quatre grumbled back. He was holding his head in his hands.

"It would have helped if you'd mentioned the big giant planet in the middle of the course you picked."

"Stupid me! I thought you would have noticed it."

"I did, jackass! But you also failed to mention the giant moon on the other side!"

"Shut up, both of you!" Heero growled. "You're giving me a headache."

"I agree." Trowa stood up gingerly. "I think it's safe to say we're not in Kansas anymore."

Wu-Fei also rose. "I'd say we crashed, but there isn't any wreckage."

"No wreckage?" Duo exclaimed. He looked around. "That doesn't make sense."

"Sure it does," Heero dead-panned. "It probably disappeared in a smoking ball of flame in the atmosphere of the planet you just ran into."

"I did not hit the giant planet!" Duo cried. "I hit the giant moon!"

"This looks more like Earth to me, than a rocky airless moon strewn with the wreckage of our shuttle and our lifeless bodies." Heero might have been smiling, but it was hard to say.

"Arghhhhh!" Duo jumped on Heero and started pounding him with his fists.

"Hey guys, do the foreplay later, someone's coming." Trowa shielded his eyes and looked off into the distance.

The other three immediately came to their feet and they all followed Trowa's gaze.

"What the hell is that?" asked Wu-Fei.

"I'd say it's your lucky day, Fei-Fei." Duo laughed. "That looks like a knight in shining armor."

The knight reached them and reined his horse to a halt. "Well met, gentlemen! Whither away?"

"Huh?" said Duo.

"He's asking us where we're going," Trowa answered. To the knight, he said, "We're strangers here, Sir. Can you suggest a place to seek lodging for a few days?"

"Why, my good man, as you are but a scant mile from Camelot, I recommend that you seek out the hospitality of the good King Arthur himself. He sets a fine table for travelers and folk are always eager to hear news from afar."

Five jaws dropped in unison. Heero recovered first.

"I beg your pardon, but did you say Camelot?"

"I did indeed."

"And this King Arthur, would that be he of the Knights of the Round Table?"

"The very same, in truth."

"Well, that's interesting," said Trowa.

"Maybe we're all dreaming," said Quatre.

"I hope we're all dreaming," added Duo.

The knight listened to their exchange with a puzzled expression. "Have you gentlemen perchance been ensorcelled?"

"Huh?" said Duo.

"He's asking if we're under a spell," said Trowa.

"I don't think so," said Heero.

"Spell or not, I'm hungry," interrupted Wu-Fei. "Can't we discuss this over a meal?"

"I vote with Fei!" seconded Duo.

"Allow me to guide you," said the knight. "I am Sir Percival and it is my honor to be of service to you."

"Thank you." Trowa spoke for all of them.

It really was a castle, with towers and pennants, a drawbridge and a moat.

"I'll be damned," Duo remarked.

"I think it's rather pretty," said Quatre.

"You've a good eye, my young friend," said Percival proudly. "Camelot is one of the fairest sights you'll ever clap eyes on. 'Tis renowned far and wide."

"You're sure they'll put us up there?" Trowa asked. "We've little to recommend us."

"Helping the neediest brings the greatest rewards in heaven," Percival replied piously. "Only a scoundrel would turn a penniless man out in the elements."

"Penniless certainly describes us," Heero said flatly, "but we'll pull our own weight."

"Industriousness is its own reward," Percival intoned.

Duo rolled his eyes.

As they neared the castle, knights on guard duty began calling out remarks.

"What have you there, Percival? That's a pretty pack of waifs you're herding."

"Hoy! Have you had any of them up on your horse yet?"

This last remark brought a round of snickering.

Duo frowned. "You know, I don't think that man is referring to the animal Percival is riding."

"You think?" snorted Heero. "I bet he's already got your ass sized up."

"They're knights!" Quatre exclaimed. "They wouldn't engage in illicit behavior like butt-fucking."

Duo laughed out loud. "You really had a sheltered upbringing!"

Percival shook his head sadly. "Alas, I fear there is truth in the assertion. Far too many of my fellow knights enjoy the shameful practice of sodomy."

"I wouldn't call it shameful," Duo protested. "When you've got the right partner, anyway."

Percival looked shocked.

"Don't pay any attention to him, Sir Percival," Wu-Fei said. "He's shameless."

"And you're not?!" laughed Duo. "I didn't hear you complaining night before last when I…"

"Shut up, Duo!" Heero growled. "Sir Percival doesn't need to hear about your perverted pastimes."

"You should talk," Duo grumbled under his breath. "The biggest perverts always have the biggest…"

"I said shut up!" snapped Heero.

They started across the moat and Wu-Fei clapped his hand over his nose. "What is that horrible stench?"

"It is but the moat," answered Percival. "In summer when the water is low, the refuse rotting on the bottom floats to the surface."

"Refuse?" Duo looked over the edge. "It smells like shit to me."

"It probably is shit." Trowa glanced casually at the moat. "In medieval times, indoor plumbing means a bucket you dump out the window."

Duo, Quatre and Wu-Fei stopped dead in their tracks.

"I am NOT crapping in a bucket!" Wu-Fei announced.

Duo and Quatre nodded vigorously.

"You can always shit in the woods like bears." Heero spoke without stopping or turning around.

"This is SO wrong!" Duo cried. "It's all your fault, Quatre! If you'd mentioned the stinking planet…"

"My fault?!" Quatre shouted back. "I wasn't the one who crashed into the giant planet!"

"I DID NOT HIT THE GIANT PLANET!" Duo screamed. He jumped on Quatre and began pounding him with his fists.

Wu-Fei pulled Duo off. "Stop it! Both of you!"

Percival stared at them in dismay. Leaning close to Heero, he whispered, "Perchance, are any of your companions somewhat unhinged?"

"No 'perchance' about it," Heero smirked. "Duo's just plain nuts."

"I heard that!"

King Arthur was actually wearing a gold crown, but it did not look comfortable. He kept sliding a finger up underneath the edge as he regarded the five young men with a kindly, paternal eye.

"Welcome to Camelot, gentlemen. Please look on this castle as your home for as long as you have need."

Trowa bowed. "We are honored, Your Majesty," he answered politely. He gestured at the others until they bowed also.

They were settled in a suite with a separate bedroom for each of them and a common sitting room.

"This is nice," said Duo. "We can visit back and forth as much as we want." He winked at Heero.

"Have you seen the bedding?" Wu-Fei complained. "I don't think it's ever been washed. I think it has fleas."

"You're seeing things, Fei," Heero remarked absently. He was examining a heavy broadsword mounted on the wall. "This looks interesting."

"I just had a thought," Quatre said, a slim finger tapping his lower lip. "The wizard Merlin worked for King Arthur. I wonder if I could learn a little magic while we're here."

"Magic? You're nuts, Quatre. There's no such thing."

"What do you know, Duo? Can you explain how we got here? Aside from you crashing into that planet?"

Duo clenched his fists. "For the last time…" he began, but Heero abruptly grabbed him from behind and clamped a hand over his mouth.

"I don't want to hear it." He glared at the others. "Let's all agree that Duo did not run into the giant planet. Agreed?"

"Yeah."

"Ok."

"Fine."

Heero removed his hand. "Satisfied?"

Duo grinned. "Hardly. All you did was hold me. If you'd just rub up and down a little…"

Heero rolled his eyes. "Weren't you hungry half-an-hour ago? Let's go find out when dinner is."

"Sounds good."

"I'm in."

"About time."

"Tease."


	2. Learning New Ways

Well, the boys are settling into King Arthur's court, but they're going to have to learn a whole new way of life. But trust me, they're not giving up all of their old, wicked ways!

Chapter 2: Learning New Ways

Dinner in King Arthur's court was a loud, raucous, entertaining event. The tables groaned under enough roasts to depopulate a forest; there were enough loaves of bread to retile the floor; and wine and beer were brought in by the cask. Musicians, singers and jugglers moved between the tables, dodging servants and dogs as they plied their trades.

It was louder than the launching bay of a mobile suit carrier.

Duo's eyes were glowing. "Would you look at that?" he exclaimed.

"Think you might get enough to eat?" Heero asked dryly.

"Oh, yeah!"

"There are no vegetables!" Wu-Fei stared in dismay.

"Sure there are," said Duo. "There's a bowl of boiled potatoes right there."

"That's a tuber, not a vegetable."

"Close enough."

"There's nothing green."

"Look, there's green all over that loaf of bread over there."

"I may be sick."

Percival stood up and waved them over to his table. "Come join us, my friends, and meet the finest knights in England!"

The five made their way over to Percival's table.

"Hoy! Make room!" shouted one burly knight, and he unceremoniously shoved several of his colleagues off the bench where he was sitting. He leered at Quatre. "Why don't you come sit in my lap, pretty boy? I'll give you a few pointers on the finer arts of jousting."

"Aye, his is a fine point, all right!" shouted another and the table exploded into laughter. "Come sit with me, pretty fellow, and I'll show you how a man plays the sport!"

This was followed by several more indecent invitations and Quatre flushed.

"Gentlemen, please!" Percival cried out. "You're causing our guests embarrassment! Where are your manners?"

The rude remarks degenerated into coarse laughter and the five took seats without further incident, except for a little butt-pinching and thigh-fondling.

Except for Heero, who put an end to it on his part by slamming the face of the knight next to him into his trencher.

"Now sir," he said calmly, while slowing suffocating the man in his plate of semi-raw meat, "I'm sure you put your hand on my ass to help me sit down, but I must take exception to having the inside of my thigh grabbed. I suggest you keep your hands to yourself."

"Um, Heero?" Trowa said from across the table, "I don't think he can breathe."

"Details." Heero shrugged and sat down.

The man beside him lifted his face from his food, gasping for breath. "Forgive my momentary lapse," he wheezed out. "Entirely accidental, I assure you."

"Yeah, whatever," Heero grumbled. "Duo, pass the damn meat before you take all of it!"

"They have no utensils at all!" Wu-Fei moaned. "Everyone's eating with their hands!"

"So?" Duo mumbled around a mouthful of venison.

"I don't think any of these people have bathed since the last time they got rained on."

"What's that you say, youngling?" exclaimed a thick-bodied knight with a bushy red beard. "Have you no common sense? You can catch your death with unseasonable bathing."

"Aye, listen to Sir Borridin," another knight called out. "I had a cousin who bathed THREE TIMES in the same month. He died of a fever before the next full moon."

There were solemn nods all around the table.

"T'was as well he passed, though," the knight continued, "as there were those speculating he might be a warlock, with all that passion for cleanliness. His family was right glad to put him to rest in holy ground, and lay such rumors to rest as well."

There were more solemn nods and Wu-Fei looked scandalized. "So how frequently does the typical man bathe?"

"Well now," said Borridin, "I myself bathed just last spring. If I don't get caught in a downpour before then, I expect I'll need another bath this fall."

"Aye, two baths a year sounds right," said another.

"Unless you get rained on, then you can skip one," added a third.

"True, true."

Wu-Fei looked like he was going to faint.

"Now women, on the other hand, they're mad for bathing."

"Aye, that's the truth. Why, they'll bathe as often as once a month!"

"They say it's because of their moon cycle."

"Women are mysterious, though, so it's best not to pry too much."

"And touchy! Say the wrong thing at the wrong time and you're doing without for a fortnight."

"Unless one is lucky enough to meet a handsome lad like you!" The knight leaned forward and winked at Quatre, grinning lustfully.

Quatre shied back. "Oh, look!" he pointed desperately. "Actors!"

"Hah! These buffoons!" roared Borridin. "If naught else, the pitiful-ness of their performance will set you laughing."

He was right. The performers were pitiful. The only highlight was the interlude, when a sword-swallower entertained the crowd while the actors changed for the second act. But for the rest of the performance, the diners roared with laughter and frequently pelted the actors with food, enjoying it particularly when a well-aimed turkey leg banked off the head of one performer and sent him sprawling head-over-heels in mid-speech.

Trowa frowned. "Performers should be treated with more respect," he muttered under his breath.

"But you have to admit, they're not very good," said Quatre.

"Perhaps not, but still…"

When the play ended, to a chorus of jeers and a shower of gnawed bones and boiled potatoes, Trowa stood.

"Excuse me, but I'm just going to go speak to them for a moment.

Trowa approached the troupe where they stood clustered beside a wall. The man who had been hit by the turkey leg was nursing a bruise on his forehead as he scolded a buxom young woman with fluffy brunette hair.

"If you'd'a shown some tit like I told ya, Bernadette, maybe they'd'a thrown some coin, too!"

"Yeah, why don't I just straddle a couple while I'm at it?" she snapped back. "I ain't a fuckin' whore!"

Then she promptly belied that statement by turning to Trowa with her breasts thrust forward. "Was our performance to your liking, good sir?"

Trowa bowed to her slightly. "No offense, but your troupe seems to lack polish."

She flushed angrily. "Why, you'll find none better in all of Camelot!"

"Somehow, I don't doubt that. But if it's coin you're after, I can show you a better way to earn it."

The sword-swallower leered at him. "She may not be a whore, but I'll ply my trade with you. And maybe not even for coin! You look to be a tasty little tidbit."

Trowa lowered his eyelids. "I'm talking about teaching you to tumble. I am very skilled in this area and I would be happy to show you how."

"And an acrobat, too!" the sword-swallower exclaimed. He licked his lips hungrily. "Sir, my name is Horace, and if you'll lie with me this night, I will gladly give you the meager contents of my purse."

Trowa sighed and trained his attention on Bernadette and the others. "What do the rest of you have to say?"

The man who had been scolding Bernadette stepped forward. "I am Tobias, director of this troupe. Your kind offer is appreciated, but," he scowled at Horace, "we can ill afford to pay for such generous services." He glared at Bernadette again.

"You don't have to pay me," said Trowa. "I just want to help."

Tobias smiled broadly. "Well, far be it from me to insult such a fine gentleman by spurning such a chivalrous offer. I accept!" He clasped Trowa's hand in a firm handshake. "We make camp in the courtyard just under the north wall. Shall you join us tomorrow?"

"It will be my pleasure."

"Excellent! Excellent!" He began herding his people toward the exit. "Come, come, my children! Let us get a good night's rest. Tomorrow marks an exciting new beginning for us!"

Quatre came up beside Trowa as the troupe left. "They seemed glad to hear whatever you had to say."

"I said I would teach them to tumble."

"Say what?"

"Acting is clearly not their forte. Perhaps a more physical kind of performing will work better."

"You can take the boy out of the circus…" Quatre mumbled.

"What was that?"

"Nothing. Look, the rest of us are heading back upstairs. Those knights are getting pretty drunk and it's getting hard to keep their hands out of our pants. Duo's afraid Heero might kill somebody."

"Ok."

On the way back to their suite, Wu-Fei cornered a serving girl. "Bring me a bucket of hot water, would you, please?"

"Of course, sir." She curtsied prettily and hurried away.

As soon as he had his water, Wu-Fei promptly stripped naked and began scrubbing his bare skin vigorously with his wet undershirt as a washcloth, muttering the whole time about fleas and giant, smelly, bearded men.

"Hey, Fei, let me do that for you," Duo volunteered. "I'll wash your back." He took Wu-Fei's shirt and began scrubbing his back, working his way steadily lower.

"I appreciate the help, Duo," Wu-Fei said dryly, "but I can wash my own ass."

"Sure you can, but would you enjoy it as much?"

Wu-Fei turned around and grabbed for his shirt. "Give me that!" he snapped. "I can do it myself!"

Duo danced backward, waving the shirt in front of him and grinning broadly. "Come and get it!"

"Dammit, Duo!" Wu-Fei shouted and leaped on him. They tumbled to the floor, wrestling for it. Somehow, Duo managed to get both of Wu-Fei's hands knotted inside the shirt.

"Well now," Duo smiled and licked his lips slowly. "I have a wet, naked Wu-Fei all tied up. Anyone care to join me, or do I get him all to myself?"

"Pervert!" Wu-Fei grunted. "Get off me!"

"I'm going to bed," Trowa announced.

"Me, too," echoed Quatre.

Duo grinned at Heero. "You want to have some fun before he dries off?"

"Don't you ever think about anything else?"

"He's naked!"

Heero tipped his head to one side. "Good point. Grab his feet. Let's take him to my room."

"Guys!" Wu-Fei struggled as they picked him up.

"Oh, quit whining, Fei! You know you want to."


	3. Applying Old Skills

Just in case you didn't notice, I had to up the rating on this story to R. It's sort of a pre-emptive strike. I'm ahead by one chapter in this story and they are getting progressively worse. I'm getting totally out of hand! Bwa-ha-ha-ha!

Chapter 3: Applying Old Skills

The boys went back down to the great hall in the morning to see what might be had for breakfast. There were a large number of knights passed out under the tables. The sound of snoring was nearly as loud as dinner had been the night before.

"How do you suppose they all ended up so neatly under the tables?" Quatre wondered aloud. "The law of averages says that some of them at least should be passed out in the aisles."

"Oh, we roll 'em under there to get 'em out of the way when we're sweepin' up," said a plump, rosy cheeked matron, who happened to pass by at that moment. "We'll roust 'em out in a bit so's we can clean under the tables. You boys lookin' for a bite to eat?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Well now, you see over there by the wall, we've got a buffet set out for them as can stomach food first thing. It's a bit rough, mind, as most of the quality folk will be taking their breakfast on a tray." She made a face and rolled her eyes. "But it's good enough for decent folk anyhow. You just help yourselves."

"Thank you."

They made their way to the buffet. Duo rubbed his hands together with delight.

"Sounds to me like we aren't obligated to leave anything," he said gleefully. "Where are those trenchers?"

They sat at a table that didn't smell like anyone had vomited on it or urinated under it.

As they ate, Quatre pointed to an old, wise-looking man with a flowing white beard and a pointed blue hat seated beside King Arthur, who appeared to be the only person who might qualify as "quality folk" who was awake.

"Do you suppose that might be the wizard Merlin?" he asked excitedly. "I'd really like to meet him."

"Why don't you just go over there?" Trowa replied. "He looks harmless enough."

"You think so? Maybe I will." Quatre stared at the old man and shoved the food around in his trencher thoughtfully.

Duo watched him. "You gonna eat that or play with it, Quatre?"

"Hmm? Oh, you can have it." He shoved the trencher toward Duo. "I'm going to go talk to Merlin."

"Should be safe enough," Duo mumbled around a mouthful of food. "He doesn't look like a pedophile, and if he is, you can probably outrun him."

"Shut up, Duo," Heero grumbled.

Quatre approached Merlin nervously. The old man looked up at him with a kindly smile.

"Excuse me, sir, but are you the renowned wizard Merlin?"

"Yes, I am, young man! What may I do for you?"

"I am a stranger here and new to magic," Quatre began eagerly, "but I would really like to learn more about it."

Merlin beamed at him. "A seeker of knowledge! That's very good. I am always pleased to set an inquisitive mind upon the path to wisdom." He turned to Arthur. "If you have no further need of me, Your Majesty, I should like to start this fine young man upon his journey at once."

"Of course, of course!" Arthur waved a hand. "I remember the joys of study. Off you go."

Merlin climbed to his feet and beckoned to Quatre. "Come, my young student. There is no time to begin like the present."

Quatre grinned back at his four fellow pilots as he trailed Merlin out of the room.

The four stared after him with their mouths hanging open.

"I'll be damned!" Wu-Fei finally exclaimed. "Just like that."

"Well, I have something to attend to as well," Trowa announced. "If you'll excuse me."

He left and the remaining three stared after him with their mouths hanging open.

Then Heero stood up. "I need exercise. I'm going out to see what kind of training facilities they've got here."

He left and Duo grinned at Wu-Fei.

"Oh, good! Now it's just the two of us. Let's go back to bed."

"No way! I'm still sore from last night. You guys didn't have to take so many turns."

"Ok, ok! You can be on top."

"Well, maybe just a quick one, then."

Duo clapped his hands gleefully.

Outside, Trowa found the acting troupe's camp in the courtyard. Only Bernadette was awake.

"Good morning, Miss," Trowa greeted her.

"Oh, good morning to you too, sir!" she replied cheerfully. "Did you sleep well?"

"Quite well, thank you."

She sidled close to him and mashed her plump breasts against his arm. "You know we're all very grateful for your kind offer, sir. We scratch out a living as best we can, but these days…" she trailed off and looked up at him through her lashes.

"Call me Trowa."

"Get your tits off him, Bernie!" Horace crawled out from under the troupe's ramshackle wagon. "You had your chance at him! I offered my services first."

"Get lost, Horace! Why'd any man settle for having you swallow his sword when I've a nice warm scabbard to offer him?"

"And I don't?!"

Trowa flushed. "Please! I do not need any personal attention in return for my assistance. I only want to help."

Tobias stumbled through the flap of the ratty tent where most of the troupe apparently slept. "Children! Enough of this nonsense. You'll drive the gentleman away." He staggered to a horse trough not too far away, collapsed to his knees and dunked his head into the water. "Ahhh!!!" He sat up, shaking his head and flinging water in all directions. "There now! I'm properly awake. Let's see about a bit of food and then we are ready to learn!"

"He says his name is Trowa," Bernadette informed him. She winked at Trowa.

"Trowa, is it?" Tobias smiled broadly. "Can you show a sample of what you mean for us to learn?"

"Of course."

From where he stood, Trowa took two quick steps and leaped into the air, flipped three times, twisted once and landed delicately on the edge of the horse trough. The group stared at him with their mouths open.

"I think I'm in love," Horace whispered.

Trowa jumped off, twisting in midair and landing on his hands. He bounded onto his feet and then did a complete back flip with a twist and landed facing the troupe.

Horace fell to his knees. "I'm begging you! Let me have you! I'll ask for nothing else in this life again, with God as my witness!"

Trowa smiled slightly. "Well, if you work hard, perhaps I will think of some suitable reward."

Horace leaped to his feet. "I am yours to command! Show me what to do!"

"And the rest of you?"

"I'm ready!"

"Me, too!"

The troupe crowded close, anxious for Trowa to show them his secrets.

Heero watched from across the courtyard with his usual stoic expression.

"Your friend is quite the acrobat," remarked a young knight-in-training.

"Yes, he is," Heero replied. He looked the young trainee up and down. "I'm looking for a place to get a little exercise."

"Well, you've found the right place, then," the youngster returned brightly. "This is where we receive our training in arms, jousting, archery and the other knightly arts. Are you in training to become a knight, sir?"

"I hadn't thought about it, but it might be interesting."

"Well, I should tell you, our instructor doesn't like to waste his time on weaklings. You look a might slender, my friend."

"I'm stronger than I look."

The young trainee looked doubtful. He held out the handle of his blunted practice sword toward Heero. "Why don't you take a few swings with this at that dummy over there?"

Heero accepted the sword. He swung it a few times to check the weight and balance, and then walked over to the dummy. It was a stuffed man mounted on a post with a round wooden shield nailed to the front. He regarded the dummy for just a moment, and then leaped into the air and swung the sword in a flat arc. The wooden shield exploded into splinters and the hacked off upper torso of the dummy tumbled to the ground.

The trainee's mouth fell open.

"Seems a little light," Heero remarked. "Wouldn't it make more sense to practice with something a little heavier, to build up your strength?"

"We do."

"I see."

"Look, our instructor is just over there. Why don't I introduce you?"

"I'd appreciate that."

A few weeks passed as the boys became accustomed to their new surroundings. Trowa trained his tumblers, Heero trained with the knights, Duo and Wu-Fei took up gambling to finance a bad shopping habit, and Quatre learned magic.

"_Novi__ inlustris apparere_!" Quatre cried. A ball of pure white flame appeared above his outstretched right hand, flickered briefly, and then vanished.

Merlin applauded. "Well done, Quatre! Well done!" He pushed up from his chair and tottered over to pat Quatre on the back. "I have never had a student who mastered the arcane arts so quickly."

Quatre smiled broadly. "Thank you, Master Merlin. I am enjoying this very much."

The pair were in Merlin's cluttered tower room, jammed full with stacks of books, scrolls, jars of powders and liquids in a vast array of colors, and all kinds of odd mechanical instruments, many with lenses for focusing light or magnifying images. An owl sat on a stand near the open window, watching them with enormous golden eyes.

"But why did it vanish so quickly?"

"Why indeed? The act of creation trespasses on the power of God, of course, so it takes a pure spirit to give the creation prolonged life." Merlin paused. "Or a compact with the Devil, but that is never a good choice."

"I'll remember that."

"Transformation, on the other hand, lasts much longer, because you are not creating an object, but just changing its shape. Still, the transformation will ultimately fail if it comes in contact with cold iron or the wizard who cast the spell dies. Or also if the wizard casts the spell out of anger. In the latter case, the spell may last for only a few hours or a few days."

Merlin shuffled through the scrolls piled high on a table, knocking several to the floor in the process. Finally, he pulled one out and unrolled it. "Here we are! This is always fun. Self-transformation. These spells last only as long as the wizard wills it. Come and look!"

Quatre stepped forward and read the scroll. "It seems straightforward enough."

"Good! Visual what creature you would like to be and say the words."

"All right." Quatre stepped back into the center of the room and closed his eyes for a moment, to get a clear picture in his mind. "_Imperiti__ ipse transformare tigris!_" Bright blue light shimmered around Quatre and his form dissolved into a six-month old white tiger cub.

"Mmmrrr?" said the Quatre-cub.

Merlin laughed. "Sometimes our hidden thoughts interfere, but well done nonetheless."

Blue light shimmered around the cub and Quatre reappeared. "I was visualizing a full-grown tiger," he said with a sheepish grin.

"Well, you are still young yourself, perhaps that influenced the transformation." Merlin waggled a finger. "Sometimes the magic likes to have fun with us." Merlin shuffled back to his seat and sat down with a tired sigh. "Well, I think that is enough for today."

"Thank you, Master." Quatre bowed and headed downstairs.

He found the others in their suite. Heero and Wu-Fei were doing Tai Chi, Trowa was reading a book and Duo was brushing his hair.

"Hey guys!" Quatre shouted, "I want to show you something." He stopped in the middle of the room, held his arms up in a dramatic pose, and intoned the words of the self-transformation spell in the deepest voice he could muster. He dissolved into a white tiger cub again.

"How cute!" Trowa exclaimed. He immediately jumped up from his seat and swept the cub up in one arm, tickling its belly with his free hand. The cub swatted at him with its big, padded paws.

"Mmrrowr!" the Quatre-cub growled.

"You're a little sweetie, aren't you, kitty?" Trowa murmured. He nuzzled the top of the cub's head.

The other three just stared.

"He has some serious issues with wild animals," Duo declared.

Heero and Wu-Fei nodded.

The Quatre-cub began to purr.

"Uh, how long is he going to stay like that?" Wu-Fei wondered.

"Hopefully just until Trowa's petting gets serious," said Duo. To Trowa, he added, "Maybe you two should get a room. I'm kinky, but bestiality is out of my league."

The Quatre-cub stuck its tongue out at Duo and hissed. Trowa, however, just smiled. "You just don't understand how relaxing it is to pet a kitten. We'll see you later." He carried the Quatre-cub to his room, still stroking its furry belly.

"Ok, that was weird," announced Duo.

"But you did notice he turned himself into a tiger cub," Heero said flatly. "I don't recall that being one of Quatre's skills."

"It's definitely new," agreed Wu-Fei.

Duo started to re-braid his hair, but Heero stopped him.

"Do you have to put it up right now?"

Duo grinned. "I can wait."

"Good." Heero took his hand and pulled him to his feet. "Coming, Fei?"

"It would be my pleasure."

"Actually, I was planning for it to be mine."


	4. Tell Me You Didn't Do That!

I know there are people reading this story, so please review and let me know what you think! Thanks!

Just so you know, there are non-English phrases in this chapter. There are translations for the French at the end of the chapter, if you're not a French speaker and want to know what's being said. You can either read it at the end, or skip ahead and read it as you go.

**Updated**: Guess what! A very nice person gave me some corrected phrases for the French, so now it should not be so offensive to your ears!

(BTW: I'm **still** not translating any of the Latin phrases that Quatre uses in this story, because I can't have you all running around invoking spells and causing chaos! And besides, I totally made it up.)

Oh, yeah, and don't take any of the jokes personally, ok? This is a work of fiction and is not intended to impugn the reputation of any person or people, living or dead. So don't freak out.

Chapter 4: Tell Me You Didn't Do That

Duo and Wu-Fei wandered through the market place. Dozens upon dozens of stalls crowded each other in the wide square in the center of the town of Camelot, which stood a short quarter mile (upwind, fortunately) from the castle itself. All manner of goods were for sale, such as could be had at the height of the tenth century.

"Oh, man, I need money!" Duo groaned. "Look at that brush! It's got an ivory handle and everything!"

Wu-Fei, however, was not listening. He was staring transfixed at a stall selling soap. He grabbed Duo's sleeve and pointed. "Soap!" he breathed. "Actual soap! I must have that!" He turned to Duo. "We must get money."

"Yeah, but how?"

"I don't know! Steal it?"

"Nah, I got no interest in finding out how they treat criminals in a place like this." Duo put his hand on his chin and stared off into space, deep in thought. Then he brightened. "I know! Those knights are almost always drunk and they like playing dice. It should be like taking candy from a baby."

"You sure you can win?"

"Absolutely! We'll try after dinner tonight."

Drunken knights did make bad gamblers. Unfortunately, they also made sore losers.

"Damn your eyes!" shouted one knight. "No man has that kind of luck! Those are loaded dice!"

"Now sir!" Duo tried to look innocent. "These are the dice you were using when my friend and I showed up."

"Maybe so! But you've jinxed 'em for sure. I've not had a decent throw since you arrived. My purse is empty!"

"Mine too!" shouted another.

"I think I deserve something for getting skinned!" exclaimed a third. He looked at Duo and licked his lips. "That long hair makes you look a might womanly to me."

"Aye! And his friend is quite exotic with those tilted eyes and fine black hair."

Wu-Fei and Duo exchanged a worried glance.

"Now gentlemen," began Wu-Fei, "we cannot be held accountable for your losses simply because we gained from it."

"Yeah!" agreed Duo. "Dice is after all a game of chance."

The knights had surrounded them and were moving closer. Duo and Wu-Fei backed up until they were trapped by the wall against which they had been throwing the dice.

"Less chance for you, though, it would seem," a leering knight remarked.

"But that's all right. Just don't squirm too much, and we'll agree that you just had more luck than we did."

"Dammit, Duo, this was your idea!" Wu-Fei cried.

"We are gonna be so sore in the morning," Duo muttered.

The knights moved in on them and there were way too many hands for the boys to fight.

When they entered the suite a long time later, they were both walking very stiffly. Heero looked up at them from the book he was reading.

"What the hell happened to you? You look like you got gang-banged."

"Um, well…" Duo mumbled.

"It was like this…" Wu-Fei started, but trailed off.

Heero stared. "You did get gang-banged!" he exclaimed incredulously.

Wu-Fei flushed deep scarlet. "It was his fault, dammit!" he pointed accusingly at Duo.

"Yeah, but tomorrow we're going shopping!" Duo dangled a fat coin purse in front of Heero and grinned at Wu-Fei. "Keep focused on the real goal, my friend. Soap! Hair brushes! Clean underwear!"

Wu-Fei continued to frown for a moment, but then a grin crept across his face. "Soap!" he whispered reverently. "By tomorrow afternoon, this whole ugly incident will just be a memory."

"Oh, yeah!" agreed Duo enthusiastically. "Supermarket, here we come!"

The next morning, Quatre and Trowa watched Duo and Wu-Fei depart through the castle gate.

"Where are they going?" asked Quatre.

"Shopping, I think."

"Oh. Well, I have some reading I want to do. Merlin gave me a book of spells that looks very interesting."

"All right. See you at lunch."

Quatre entered the castle and went to a study that was down a long passageway from the main hall. The large room had several bookshelves standing against the walls with fine tapestries hanging in between. A handful of chairs and a few couches allowed visitors to sit comfortably and read, but apparently hardly anyone used it, judging by the dust that had coated the place when Quatre first entered it. The cleaning staff didn't seem entirely happy that Merlin had suggested it as a good place for Quatre to practice his spells. But subsequently, it was a good place to be alone so he could concentrate.

Quatre was therefore quite surprised when a handsome knight in exquisitely maintained clothing (patches and stains were fairly common on knights clothing) appeared in the doorway.

"Good morning, _petit_ _sorcier_," he said. "I am Sir Lancelot, knight _extraordinaire_ of the Round Table."

"Good morning." Quatre rose politely. "May I help you?"

Lancelot entered the study and closed the door. "I would be most pleased for the opportunity to speak with you." He smiled sweetly. "_Parlez-vous__ le français, par hazard?_"

A shiver of excitement trickled down Quatre's spine. "I recognize that you are speaking French, sir, but I'm afraid I don't know that language."

"_Eh bien_." Lancelot came closer. He towered over Quatre. "I will try to speak as much English as I can, _mais__ je préfère le français pour dire des mots d'amour_."

"Oh, I'm sure I'll manage," Quatre answered dreamily. "Will you sit down, Sir Lancelot?"

"_Merci beaucoup_." Lancelot sat and Quatre sank down beside him. Lancelot put his arm on the back of the couch and leaned close. "_Vous__ êtes le plus beau jeune homme que j'ai vu depuis longtemps.__ Je voudrais longuement toucher de mes doigts vos cheveux dorés et caresser votre peau soyeuse de mes lèvres."_

Quatre slumped against the back of the couch and lowered his eyelids. "Please, go on."

Lancelot leaned close. "_Mais__ tout d'abord, j'aimerais savourer vos douces lèvres_." He touched his lips to Quatre's.

Quatre closed his eyes and moaned softly.

In the courtyard, Trowa watched with dismay as one of his tumblers missed his mark and landed, not on his feet on the shoulders of two other men, but on his ass somewhat behind them. Tobias winced.

"That will leave a mark."

Trowa shook his head. "You are still over-rotating, Andrew," he called.

"Perhaps Andrew should catch, rather than leap," Tobias suggested.

"I think you may be right," Trowa agreed. "Let's try something different, shall we?" he said to the three men who had been attempting to learn to form a tower by having one man leap onto the shoulders of the other two. "Andrew, you and Horace trade places. Horace, I want you to try the jump."

"Yes, Master Trowa!" Horace dashed to the beginning of the runup lane they'd made. He waited until Andrew and the other man, Thomas, were ready, and then raced toward them at full speed. He jumped into a series of back flips and then did a full somersault, rotating into the air and landing, a little unsteadily but successfully, on Andrew and Thomas' shoulders.

The watching troupe burst into applause.

"Well done!" Tobias cried. "Well done, indeed!" He clapped Trowa on the shoulder. "I'd say we've made a good beginning, wouldn't you, Master Trowa?"

A small smile touched Trowa's lips. "Yes, I would."

Horace hopped down from his perch and swaggered up to Trowa. "Have I done well enough to deserve a reward yet? You've no idea how hard this is with a boner the size of what I've got." He grinned at Trowa.

Trowa sighed. "I can see you are not going to forget this, are you?" Horace shook his head, still grinning. "Very well. I'll see you tonight, but I'll expect twice the work out of you tomorrow."

Horace clasped his hands together with a look of joy. "Oh, happy day! I swear I won't disappoint you, Master Trowa!" He danced off, doing a little jig, and stuck his tongue out at Bernadette's glare.

"You don't have to do that, sir," Tobias said. "You've already done more than your share for us."

Trowa shrugged. "I don't mind. At least he asked, unlike the knights who keep trying to get into my pants. They certainly are a randy lot."

"Well, it's all that praying they have to do, I suppose. Gets a man to thinking about what he's missing, I guess."

"I guess."

"Well, if you want my opinion, the one to watch out for is Lancelot. He's French you know. They don't call him Lance-a-lot for nothing. There isn't a boy between the ages of twelve and eighteen in all of Burgundy who hasn't been on the pointy end of his lance, if you know what I mean."

Trowa was surprised. "I have heard of him. But I thought he was supposed to be the most pious knight in England."

"Nah, that's Percival. Anyway, piety in France just means you're not doing it with women or yourself. I bet his page could tell you a story or two."

"I thought a knight's page was supposed to clean his armor, tend his horse and sharpen his sword."

"Heh-heh! True enough! But a knight's got more than one kind of sword that needs sharpening! You just watch yourself around the castle and don't go bending over to pick up any coins Lancelot just happens to let fall."

"I'll keep that in mind." Trowa looked thoughtful. "But perhaps I'd better go mention this to my friend Quatre. He tends to be very trusting. Keep them working. I'll be back shortly."

"Aye, Master Trowa."

Trowa entered the castle to look for Quatre. The study Quatre used to practice his spells seemed like the most logical place, so he started there. As he walked down the long passageway, he saw a knight just leaving Quatre's study. The knight nodded courteously in greeting as he passed by, a contented smile on his handsome face. Trowa frowned. He entered Quatre's study and found him lying on a couch on his stomach with a dreamy smile on his face, one arm trailing off onto the floor.

He was stark naked.

"Quatre, what have you been doing?"

"Hmmm?"

"I asked, what have you been doing?"

"Oh, I was just talking to Sir Lancelot."

"Talking? In the nude?"

Quatre smiled at him. "French is such a pretty language, don't you think?"

Trowa put a hand over his face. "You let him have his way with you because he spoke French? Quatre, I speak French!"

Quatre brightened. "Do you really? Say something!"

"_Tu__ es un imbécile!_"

Quatre sat up and held out his hand. "Why don't you come over here and say that?"

"_Tu__ as trop baisé pour pouvoir encore penser_," Trowa growled, but he joined Quatre on the couch. "What am I going to do with you, silly boy?"

"Keep talking?" Quatre suggested.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Translations for the French, in order of appearance:

Little wizard

Extraordinary (he's got JUST a bit of an ego problem!)

Do you speak French, by any chance?

Well

But, I prefer French for speaking words of love

Thank you very much

You are the most handsome young man I have seen in many a long day. I long to trail my fingers through your golden hair and caress your soft skin with my lips.

But first, I think I would like to savor your sweet lips.

You are an imbecile. (This one should be obvious.)

(Ok, this last one I got from the kindly person who sent me the corrected phrases, so my translation of what it means is extremely loose.)

You're too fucked to think!


	5. You've Got to be Kidding Me!

ZmajGoddess: Yes, Duo and WuFei could have beaten off the knights, but it would undoubtedly have resulted in assorted deaths and maimings and, quite frankly, I'm not convinced Duo wasn't cheating. He likes to hide his honorable streak, but he knows it wouldn't be fair to cheat the knights out of their money and then kill them, too. And poor WuFei! You know how he vacillates back and forth between fighting and not fighting people who are weaker than he is!

And I am not yet done tormenting them, anyway! Bwa-ha-ha-ha!

o-o-o-o-o-o

Chapter 5: You've Got to be Kidding Me!

Duo and Wu-Fei, feeling properly clean again, walked back to the castle along the dusty lane pompously referred to as the King's Highway. About halfway back, they came upon Heero seated on a rock, cleaning his sword with a bit of cloth apparently torn from the tabard of the dead knight lying in the weeds beside him. They stopped.

"What happened to him?" Duo asked.

"He tried to stick his dick up my ass," Heero replied calmly. "I was explaining to him why he didn't want to do that."

"That doesn't look like explaining to me," Duo remarked, studying the dead man.

"Yeah," agreed Wu-Fei. "It looks more like hacking, hewing, stabbing, chopping and maybe a little dismemberment."

"I'd have to agree with that," said Duo. "When were you going to start explaining?"

"I was getting to that, but he foolishly died first."

"I see."

"What were you two doing?"

"Bathing in the river."

"Again? Didn't you just do that this morning?"

"Yeah, well, that was before we started playing dice with this bunch of hung over knights. We sort of won all their money and..."

Heero snorted in disgust. "You guys got gang-banged AGAIN?!"

Wu-Fei looked indignant and pointed an accusing finger at Duo. "Gambling this early was his idea. He thought they'd be too nauseous to fuck."

Duo held his hands out to either side with a 'who-me?' expression on his face. "It seemed like a good idea at the time. And they didn't all take a turn; some of them were too hung over. And think of all the money we won!"

"You're an idiot, Duo," Heero growled. "Why don't you just sell your ass and be done with it?"

Duo lifted his chin disdainfully. "I wouldn't make as much. And besides, we almost got away this time."

Heero just shook his head.

"Say Heero," Wu-Fei said brightly, "why don't you start gambling with us? Then you could explain to them why they need to accept their losses with dignity."

"Hey, yeah!" Duo agreed enthusiastically. "I like your explanations!"

"And we wouldn't mind paying you for the protection." Wu-Fei winked at Duo.

Duo giggled. "We could pay a little in advance right now."

"You haven't had enough already?" said Heero dryly.

"You know we're always in the mood when you are, Heero."

"I can't believe you guys." Heero looked from one to the other. "Well, maybe just a quickie."

Duo clapped his hands. "Oh goody! I get to be in the middle!"

Wu-Fei pouted. "You always get to be in the middle."

"You can be in the middle tonight. Remember, I got that card game lined up for after dinner, when everybody's drunk." Duo beamed at Heero. "Heero can come watch."

"And then we can pay him back later," Wu-Fei added with a grin.

"Right!"

Heero just shook his head again.

"So when we're done here," continued Duo, "we're off to the market. There are a few items I've had my eye on." He rubbed his hands together gleefully.

Wu-Fei nodded and smiled. "I wouldn't mind a chat with the blacksmith, myself. I hear he's very skilled. I've seen some of his work and it looked pretty good."

Heero frowned. "What the hell do you need from a blacksmith?"

"You may not mind using these great clunking swords the knights carry, but I need something with a little more grace and finesse. I've drawn up some diagrams of a proper katana sword and I'm hoping he can make it."

"You're dreaming, Fei."

"A man has to have dreams."

"So…" Duo said, "you weren't just leading us on about the quickie, were you?"

Heero combed his fingers through his hair. "No, but I should really be going back to the castle for a training session."

"Oh, don't worry about that. I'm sure Fei and I can get your heart rate up, among other things!"

They each grabbed one of Heero's hands and pulled him to his feet. "There's a nice little glade back near the river that looked private," said Wu-Fei.

At dinner that night, Trowa's troupe of actors-turned-tumblers made their debut. The awed silence, punctuated by excited applause, brought a small smile to Trowa's lips.

"These folk are easily impressed," Duo said. He was contentedly stuffing a last few strips of roast venison into his mouth. "That's the sort of stuff you do when you're just stretching your muscles."

"Yes, well, they're still learning," Trowa replied. "But what they have to show right now is still new to everyone here."

"I like it," Quatre said. "It's a huge improvement over the play they did the first time we saw them. And they're making some money this time. Look at all the coins."

"Yeah," Duo groused. "Coins they should be hoarding for the gambling tonight. I've got some silk underwear on order."

"Silk?!" Heero nearly choked on his beer.

"It feels good against my skin," Duo replied archly.

"That's creepy."

"He's just saying that because he doesn't wear any," Wu-Fei snickered.

Heero flushed.

"I don't know," Quatre said, "it sounds kind of comfortable. How much did it cost?"

"Quatre!" Trowa exclaimed.

"Can we talk about something else?" Heero grumbled.

As it turned out, the knights had not thrown all their money to the performers, but they might as well have, by the time Duo and Wu-Fei were through with them. Broke again, one of the knights complained he could now not afford companionship and wondered, since he'd found Wu-Fei's company so satisfying before, if he might not be interested in another round or two.

Wu-Fei declined.

The knight was inclined to press the point.

Heero tapped the knight politely on the shoulder. "I tell you what, Sir, would you be interested in another small wager?"

The knight frowned. "With what? He's already got everything I had in my purse."

"I realize that. But I wouldn't want you to think you had no chance to recoup your losses." Heero looked around at the other knights. "Let's arm wrestle. One throw. If you win, you and your friends can have all three of us. If I win, you quit whining and we all go our separate ways."

"Hey-ho, Oswald! That's a fair wager," called out another knight.

"Yes, we're counting on you," laughed a third. "My interest is fully primed!"

"He's not talking about his interest!" Wu-Fei muttered.

Heero and Oswald sat down at one corner of a table facing each other. Everyone crowded around to watch, and Duo and Wu-Fei found themselves shoved to the front of the group with big hands resting firmly on their shoulders.

"I think they're worried about us trying to skip out on 'em," Duo whispered.

"It crossed my mind," Wu-Fei whispered back.

"Have faith! Have you ever known Heero to lose at arm-wrestling?"

"Hah!" exclaimed one knight. "Your friend is too slight to pose much threat to Oswald. Look at his arm!"

"Who's calling the start?" Oswald demanded.

He banged his big elbow down on the table and leaned his hand forward with a sharp grin. Heero had no expression at all as he positioned his own elbow and gripped Oswald's hand.

"You know, I think it might have been better if Oswald was pushing toward the outside edge of the table instead of toward the middle," Duo said casually.

"Why's that?" asked Wu-Fei.

"Begin!" someone cried out, and Heero promptly slammed Oswald's arm down hard against the edge of the table. There was the sound of bone snapping as Oswald's forearm bent in a place it probably shouldn't have and the edge of the table splintered. Oswald screamed.

"That's why," said Duo.

Three heartbeats passed with nothing to be heard but Oswald's howls.

"I'll be damned!"

"Did you see that?"

"What the hell?"

"Fetch a surgeon!"

Heero stood up as if nothing unusual had occurred. "Good night, gentlemen." He calmly walked away.

Sixteen pairs of eyes stared after him. Duo and Wu-Fei hurried to catch up.

"You really should have held back a little, Heero," Duo admonished him.

"I did."

"Oh." Then Duo threw back his head and laughed. "Silk panties, here I come!" He slapped Heero on the back. "I am totally in the mood for a little guy-on-guy! Remember, we promised to make a sandwich of Fei!"

Sometime later, Trowa knocked on the door to Heero's room and stuck his head in. "You guys seen Quatre?"

"Ungh!" grunted Heero.

"Ohhhh!" groaned Fei.

"Don't stop!" panted Duo.

"Guys!" Trowa said louder. "Have any of you seen Quatre?"

"Not… since… dinner…" Wu-Fei gasped out.

"Try that… study… with all the… books," Duo moaned. "Oh, that's good!"

Trowa shook his head. "They're like goats," he muttered. He shut the door and went to try Quatre's study. Still a few paces away down the hallway, he became alarmed. Shouts, grunts, and cries of panic could be heard from inside. Then the door burst open and knights began spilling out, some only partly dressed.

"Don't go in there!" screamed one. "He's gone insane!"

Trowa pressed up against the wall outside the door and took a quick look inside. Quatre stood in the middle of the room, minus his pants. A handful of men cowered against the walls and behind whatever protection they could find. There were an uncommonly large number of frogs, rodents and poultry climbing around on a distinct excess of furniture.

Quatre pointed a shaking finger at a man trying to hide behind a tapestry. "Boy-fondling cretin!" he shouted. "_Vos imperiti demutare sedecula!_" and a bolt of blue lightning shot from his fingertip to envelop the knight. The man cried out briefly as his form shimmered and melted into an overstuffed footstool. Quatre pointed at another man.

"Quatre, stop that!" Trowa shouted from the safety of the hallway.

"Rapist!" Quatre cried. "_Vos imperiti demutare mensa!_"

Trowa peeked in and saw another man melt into an end table.

"Quatre! Stop!"

"_Vos imperiti transformare rana!_"

Don't!"

"_Vos imperiti transformare mus muris!_"

"That's enough!"

"_Vos imperiti transformare pullus!_"

"Dammit!"

A frog, a rat and a chicken joined the collection of animals starting to crowd the room. There was only one terrified knight left.

"Quatre, do NOT turn that man into anything!"

Quatre looked at Trowa, pointed deliberately at the remaining man and intoned loudly, "_Vos imperiti demutare riscus!_" The man became a small trunk.

Trowa stepped gingerly into the room and closed the door, to keep the animals from wandering off. "How do you plan on explaining this?"

"They tried to rape me!" Quatre lifted enormous blue puppy-dog eyes to Trowa. "What was I supposed to do?" His lower lip pushed out and trembled slightly.

"Oh, Quatre." Trowa put an arm around his shoulders and led him to a couch. He started to sit down and then looked questioningly at Quatre. "This didn't used to be anybody, did it?"

"No."

Trowa sat and pulled Quatre down into his lap. "You really shouldn't turn people into things, you know."

"Serves them right," Quatre pouted. "Anyway, it won't last. They'll turn back in the morning. I think."

"You think?"

"I'm pretty sure."

Trowa shook his head at Quatre admonishingly. "You've been very naughty."

"I'm sorry."

"I should spank you."

"Oh, you wouldn't do that, would you?" Quatre asked with round eyes. "My bottom is bare."

"I know. That's my favorite kind of spanking."

Quatre giggled. He straddled Trowa and put his arms around Trowa's neck. "I like it best if you spank me with a really big, hard stick."

"I think I can accommodate you."


	6. This Has Got to Stop!

Hee-hee! The boys are really starting to fit into medieval times now. Quatre is becoming quite a skilled wizard, and Heero was born to be a knight. Trowa has his own acrobatic troupe and a captivated audience to perform for. While it may seem like Duo and WuFei's primary past time is going at it like rabbits, they're busily doing, ah, learning, uh, working on, um, ok, they're busily doing it like rabbits! Let's see what happens next!

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Chapter 6: This has Got to Stop!

Duo and Wu-Fei wrestled the bronze tub through the doorway. The living room of their suite was empty.

"Good! No one's here!" Duo grunted. "Quick, let's get it into your room."

"I don't think it will fit through my door."

"Sure it will. We'll tip it up on end and walk it through."

"You're dreaming."

"Trust me."

They did manage to get the tub into Wu-Fei's room, with only a few exciting moments, like when it tipped over and pinned Wu-Fei against the door jam, or when they dropped one of its artfully clawed feet smack on top of Duo's right foot. But finally, bruised and winded, they collapsed onto the bed and admired their new acquisition.

"Do you really think no one will notice it's gone?" Wu-Fei wheezed.

"Are you kidding? These people never bathe." Duo flopped onto his back with his arms flung out. "It will be months before anyone even thinks about it."

"What about the maid? She's bound to notice it."

"We'll bribe her."

"That'll work." Wu-Fei leaned back on his elbows and gazed dreamily at the tub. "We need to get some hot water. I'm all sweaty now."

"Don't talk like that. You're turning me on."

Wu-Fei grinned at him. "You know, we'll both fit in there if we sit one in front of the other. We can take turns washing each other."

Duo groaned. "Ok, now you're really turning me on." He sat up. "Let's go get some water."

"Ok!"

Trowa and Quatre returned to the suite a short time later.

"Do you hear splashing?" Trowa asked.

"Yes, and giggling."

They marched down the hall to Wu-Fei's room and flung the door open.

Wu-Fei and Duo were sitting in the tub, completely wet and half-covered in suds. Wu-Fei, seated behind Duo, was diligently washing Duo with both hands while Duo leaned back against him with his eyes closed. Presumably Wu-Fei was washing Duo's torso, but only one of his hands was actually visible at the moment.

"Where the hell did you get that?" Quatre exclaimed.

"We stole it," Wu-Fei murmured. He nuzzled Duo's ear. "It was Duo's idea. One of the best he's ever had."

"I'll say," Duo agreed with a happy sigh. "I feel so clean."

"Me too," Wu-Fei giggled.

Trowa shook his head. "Unbelievable." He and Quatre backed out and closed the door.

Quatre looked back thoughtfully. "Do you suppose they'll let me borrow it? I wouldn't mind a proper bath myself."

"You're already studying magic, Quatre. Do you want people to think you're a warlock?"

"No one would know." He grinned at Trowa. "Besides, it looked like they were having fun. Maybe you would like to take a bath with me."

Trowa lifted an eyebrow at him.

Quatre pouted and gave him big puppy eyes. "Don't you want to wash my back?"

"You're incorrigible."

"That's Duo. I'm adorable." Quatre blinked long lashes at him and smiled sweetly.

Trowa smiled slightly. "That you are."

Heero was completely disgusted when he returned and learned about the tub. "You could just bathe in the river like you were doing."

"Too cold," Duo shuddered.

"And the soap isn't good for the fish," added Wu-Fei righteously.

"So what did you do with the bath water when you were done?"

"Bailed it out with a bucket and poured it out the window into the moat. It's not like soap is going to do any harm there."

Heero grunted. "Well, that's true."

"So, Heero, are you competing in the tournament tomorrow?" Quatre asked. "Merlin said most of the knights are going to compete."

"I was invited to participate, as a courtesy. I'm thinking about it. It might be entertaining."

"You should," said Trowa. "It will give us someone to cheer for."

"And I'd love to see how long those knights last against you!" Duo laughed. "Although, you are going to have to try not to kill anyone."

"You talk like I kill people every day," Heero grumbled.

"You HAVE killed someone every day," Trowa remarked. "At least on average."

"That's true," Wu-Fei agreed. "You were doing better until those three yesterday."

"That wasn't my fault!" Heero groused. "They provoked me."

The other four just looked at him. Heero frowned and crossed his arms.

"You'd think by now they'd have figured out I'm not interested in their perverted man-on-boy urges," he complained.

"Well, the one's who've survived so far have, but Arthur has to keep rounding up new knights from other areas to replace the ones you keep killing," Quatre said. "Merlin told me Arthur is starting to worry about the attrition. You really need to learn restraint."

"Says the guy who reduced the knight population by eighteen for two days," Heero replied with a lifted eyebrow.

"It was temporary!"

"One of those guys still walks like a chicken."

"He'll get over it!"

Heero ran his fingers through his hair, standing it all up on end. "Well, maybe I'll compete. And I'll show restraint."

They all just looked at him.

"I will!"

The jousting tournament was a major event that coincided with the harvest festival. For four days, there were feasts, dances, religious services, a few clandestine pagan rites, and the tournament. In addition to the jousting, there were sword battles, both man-to-man and pitched, on foot and on horseback. The man-to-man contests were ladder events, culminating in a single winner. The pitched battles were fought until only one man remained standing. The last four men to survive the pitched battles received awards.

Large banners hanging from the wall outside the jousting arena showed the ladders for each event. Additional banners also listed the names of all the knights who would be competing in the pitched battles.

Examining the banners, Trowa pursed his lips thoughtfully. "You know, it's entirely possible Heero could win every event."

"What do you mean possible?" Duo said as he munched on a piece of meat on a stick.

"Perhaps we should suggest he let a few others win something." Trowa glanced at Duo. "The prizes are worth money. I assume you would like to see a little of it go into the knights' purses so it can find its way into yours? By the way, what are you eating?"

"Meat."

Wu-Fei looked sick. "Meat from what?"

"I didn't ask. I find you go hungry less often if you don't ask where food came from. Anyway, it doesn't taste too spoiled, so it couldn't have been dead all that long."

Wu-Fei put a hand over his mouth. "Excuse me!" he mumbled through his fingers and hurried away.

"He's gotta do something about that sensitive stomach of his," Duo commented absently. "Hey, look at that!" He pointed with an excited grin at a booth across from the arena. "It looks like they're grilling something. I'll be right back!" He trotted over to the booth.

"Here comes Heero," Quatre said. "He looks great in that armor, doesn't he?"

"He certainly does."

Heero walked up to them swinging his arms to check the freedom of movement in the armholes. "This isn't too bad. The blacksmith said it was made for some nobleman's son. I wasn't going to use any armor, since these weapons are all so slow, but then I thought maybe the weight would slow me down a little bit." A very slight smile touched his lips. "See? I'm trying to hold back."

Trowa and Quatre both smiled. Trowa pointed at the ladders.

"We were thinking maybe you should decide in advance which contests you're going to win and leave a few for the other knights."

Heero looked faintly scandalized. "Lose?"

Trowa held up his hands. "No! No! I was thinking maybe just come in second, that's all."

"And that's not losing?" Heero's eyebrows lowered.

Quatre put a placating hand on Heero's arm. "Since I know it's probably impossible for you to lose a fight against multiple opponents, why don't you just come in first on the two pitched battles, and maybe second in all the others? Jousting is very important to these knights. If a newcomer with a few weeks of training knocks them all on their butts, it could cause problems."

"Maybe it would teach them to work harder, the lazy boy-fucking…" Heero growled.

"Heero!" Trowa interrupted. "Here come some of your opponents."

They turned to greet the approaching knights, among them Sir Percival and Sir Lancelot.

"Well met, my friends!" Percival greeted them cheerfully. "Is it not a fine day for a joust?"

"We're looking forward to it," Trowa said. "We've never seen this kind of tournament before."

"Well, _mes__ amis_, you are in for a treat, for you will have the pleasure of seeing one of the finest knights in England demonstrate the full flower of his manhood." Lancelot modestly placed a hand on his chest. "_C'est__ moi_."

"He's humble, isn't he?" Trowa mumbled under his breath.

Quatre, however, was looking up at Lancelot with large eyes and a dreamy expression. "I look forward to seeing another… I mean, ah, a new, ah, demonstration of the full flower of your manhood."

Lancelot smiled broadly and bowed low to Quatre. "When I have won, perhaps you will reward me with your gracious company, _mon__ petit sorcier_."

Quatre smiled. "It would be my pleasure, sir. I look forward with anticipation to your victory."

Lancelot bowed again and he and the other knights moved on. Quatre stared after him and let out a long, wistful sigh.

Trowa frowned in irritation. "Heero, if you have the chance to knock THAT pompous jerk on his ass, please do so."

Heero chuckled. "Jealous, are we?"

"He just pisses me off."

Heero walked away, still chuckling.

"Let's go find seats," Trowa grumbled. "Hey Duo!" he shouted, "get a move on or all the good seats will be taken."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming." Duo hurried up juggling several sticks of roasted meat, two meat and vegetable pies, and four bright yellow apples. "Look, I got lunch! I even asked what the meat is. It's beef. It even tastes like it. Hey Fei! Come on!" he shouted at Wu-Fei, who was trudging back toward them slowly, still looking a little green.

He paled when he saw what Duo was holding. "More mystery meat?"

"Nah, it's beef. I swear. Take this." He held out one of the pies toward Wu-Fei. "It's got vegetables in it. Carrots, peas and potatoes. And the meat is chicken."

Wu-Fei looked doubtful.

"Would I lie to you, man?" Duo tried to look trustworthy.

Wu-Fei nodded.

Duo rolled his eyes. "Ok. I swear on the prospect of not getting any for a week that this pie is exactly what I say it is."

Wu-Fei accepted the pastry uncertainly. "Not getting any from me OR Heero?"

"Geez, do I look that untrustworthy?" All three nodded in unison. Duo rolled his eyes again. "Ok! Fine! Yes! You and Heero. It's a chicken pot pie."

Wu-Fei tentatively took a bite. "Hey! This isn't bad!"

"What did I tell you?" Duo passed out the remaining food and they made their way up into the stands.

The tournament was scheduled to last for three days. The first day was devoted to elimination rounds in the man-to-man contests. It was obvious that the pairs had been selected to ensure that favorite knights would not be eliminated early, by pairing them with clearly inferior opponents. The more magnanimous knights, of course, at least allowed the contest to last long enough for their opponents to not look like complete failures.

Heero's contests never lasted more than five seconds. His opponents, however, rather than being upset over looking incompetent, seemed glad to get out of the arena alive.

"Well, so far so good," Duo chirped cheerfully. "He hasn't killed anyone yet."

"'Yet' being the functional word," Trowa replied.

"Oh, I think he'll do fine," Quatre assured them. "I trust Heero."

The other three stared at him.

"I do!" Then his face melted into a dreamy smile. "Oh look! There's Lancelot." He leaned his cheek on his hand with a wistful sigh. "Isn't he handsome?"

Trowa began grumbling under his breath. "…Heero cuts his nuts off."

Duo leaned over to Wu-Fei and whispered, "You know, I think he's jealous."

"He just doesn't want anyone else petting his kitty," Wu-Fei whispered back.

"Oh, shut up!" Trowa growled.

Quatre sighed again.

The second day of the tournament was devoted to the pitched battles. With so many men to incapacitate, it took Heero several minutes to crush them all into the ground, especially during the mounted contest, where he had to unhorse them first. Percival did not compete in either of these contests, so he sat with the boys in the stands.

"You seem unhappy, Master Trowa," Percival noted.

"I was wondering why Lancelot's not competing."

"Oh, many of the more skilled knights consider the melees beneath them. I myself am not quick enough, and usually lose anyway, so I prefer to save myself the bruises. I'll have a fine enough collection of those when the jousting completes." He laughed. "Like as not, Lancelot will unhorse me before the end, as usual."

Trowa frowned. "Does he always win?"

"If he competes. Sometimes he abstains, to give other knights a chance at victory. He is very generous."

"Oh, indeed!" said Quatre. "And a very fine gentleman, too."

"The finest in England," Percival agreed.

Trowa did not look like he agreed.

"Cheer up, Trowa," Duo said. "Heero didn't kill anyone. That's two days now. His average is coming down."

The third and final day of the tournament was the final eliminations in the man-to-man contests, including the jousting. Heero allowed himself to be eliminated in the semi-final round of the mounted sword, much to the astonishment of his opponent. In the sword-on-foot contest, he went to the final round, where he graciously allowed his opponent to knock his sword out of his hand.

"That looked kind of obvious, didn't it?" Duo wondered aloud.

"I don't know." Wu-Fei looked around. "No one seems to be saying anything."

"There's time before the jousting," said Trowa. "Let's go down and talk to him."

The four climbed down and met Heero near the entrance.

"I'm going to check on my horse," he told them. "That stupid beast and I need to discuss how this is going to work."

Quatre looked unhappy. "You're not going to bite its ear again, are you? It made such a terrible squeal last time."

"Only if it's not listening."

"If you win the next joust, you'll face Lancelot in the final round," Trowa said.

Quatre sighed and Trowa frowned.

Heero looked from one to the other. "You want me to run him through?"

"No!"

"Not completely."

"Trowa!"

Duo and Wu-Fei laughed. "They really need to patch up this lover's spat," Duo said.

"Shut up!" Trowa grumbled.

Heero almost smiled.

Heero went to the final round of the jousting match by unhorsing his next opponent, causing several broken ribs and a broken arm in the process.

"But he's not dead!" Duo and Wu-Fei chimed in unison.

Facing Lancelot in the final round, Heero was eliminated on points. Lancelot seemed unhappy that he had not unhorsed Heero. Percival, once again sitting with the boys, watched the match with a critical eye.

"In truth, I think your young friend could have defeated Lancelot. In that last pass, I would almost swear he dropped his lance tip just enough to miss the center of Lancelot's shield on purpose."

The four boys exchanged sheepish grins.

"I'm sure it only looked that way," Quatre assured him. Then he popped to his feet. "Well, if you'll excuse me, I think I'll just step over and congratulate Sir Lancelot on his victory." He trotted off.

Trowa stared after him with a frown. "I'll see you guys later. I'm going to perform with my troupe tonight." He left, too.

"Those two need to kiss and make up."

"I don't think it's Trowa Quatre plans to be kissing tonight."

Percival looked scandalized.


	7. Old Pleasures Revisited

**Precognition74**: Yes, WuFei and Duo have been underutilized, but I confess I've been having way too much fun with sweet little Quatre. But, I am taking your words to heart, so in later chapters, WuFei and Duo will see more screen time.

**lil****' devil 2004**: Oh, trust me! Do you think I'd let sweet little Quatre stay unkissed for long?

Chapter 7: Old Pleasures Revisited

Trowa's troupe had constructed a tent to practice in, so they could prepare new routines in private and debut them in King Arthur's court to adoring crowds. Trowa was currently trying to teach them a trapeze act. But at the moment, he and Horace were the only ones in the tent. The troupe had performed non-stop during the harvest festival, so Tobias had given everyone a few days off. Trowa was working off a little irritation while Horace watched.

Trowa leaped from the pedestal to the trapeze and swung back and forth a few times to pick up speed and height. Then, at the apex of his swing, he flipped into the air, did three reverse somersaults and landed on the tightrope. (Which was a piece of rope so thick it might as well have been a four-lane highway, as far as Trowa was concerned.) He balanced on the tightrope for a moment, did three cartwheels and then sat down.

Horace applauded. "Well done, Master Trowa! I swear none of us will ever be your equal." He climbed up a rope and sat on the pedestal where the tightrope was anchored. "Watching you excites me. Have you ever done it on the trapeze?"

"I can't say that I have."

"Want to try? I'll, ah, catch."

"Why not?"

It turned out that it could be done if one man stood on the bar while the other wrapped his legs around the suspension ropes, and both hung on for dear life.

"Ah, Master Trowa, you are truly an artist." Horace sighed with pleasure.

"The trapeze has always been one of my favorite routines. This does give it a new dimension, though, I must say."

"Perhaps we can work on this act again."

"I think it might be worthwhile."

When Trowa got back to their suite, he found Quatre pacing back in forth in the living room, looking unhappy.

"Trowa, where have you been? I've been looking all over for you."

"I was just doing a little tumbling."

Quatre frowned. "With that Horace person?"

"He might have been there."

"I don't like the way he's always trying to talk you into bed."

"At least he's speaking English."

Quatre huffed. "I suppose that's a dig at Sir Lancelot! He's a fine gentleman. One can hardly equate his cultured companionship to a commoner like Horace."

"He's still just trying to get his dick up your ass. Honestly, Quatre, I didn't think you were such a snob!"

Quatre's lower lip quivered and his eyes got huge. "Do you hate me now, Trowa?" His voice trembled.

Trowa turned his back on him. "That isn't going to work." He sat down on the couch and refused to look at Quatre.

Blue light shimmered and a moment later, the Quatre-cub jumped up onto the couch beside Trowa. He put his big paws on Trowa's arm and licked his face with a rough tongue.

"Mrow?"

"Stop it."

The Quatre-cub snuggled his head under Trowa's chin. "Mmmrrr."

"I said stop it," Trowa repeated, but the anger had gone out of his voice.

"Mmrowrrr," the Quatre-cub said and pressed his warm kitty nose against Trowa's lips.

Trowa laughed softly and put his arms around the Quatre-cub. "Oh, all right, I forgive you. But you have to stop mooning around after Lancelot. Promise?"

The Quatre-cub put his paws on Trowa's shoulders and licked his face. "Mrrmrr!"

Trowa grabbed him around the middle and tumbled the Quatre-cub to the floor. They were still wrestling when the others came in.

"What did I say about kinky behavior in the living room?" Duo demanded.

"Oh, but they've made up!" Wu-Fei exclaimed. "Isn't that sweet?"

"Adorable," Heero growled. "Can we go to dinner now? I'm starving. I don't see why we always have to go down together."

Quatre shimmered back into his own shape and the five of them headed downstairs.

"You're not planning on gambling after dinner, are you?" Heero asked as they walked down the passageway. "I've got stuff I need to do later."

"Well," Duo speculated, "there are some new knights who arrived at court this week."

"That's ok, Heero, we can get by," Wu-Fei said and with a flourish, he drew his brand new katana. "I think this will dissuade anyone who refuses to lose with dignity."

"Would you look at that!" Quatre exclaimed. "I didn't think they could make those here."

"The blacksmith is a genius," Wu-Fei chuckled gleefully. "Once I explained that I wanted the metal folded and how many times, he did a great job. I made him a template to get the curvature right." Wu-Fei skipped ahead of them, did a quick series of jabs, blocks and slashes and then slid the sword back into its scabbard. "He had the scabbard custom made for me, too." Wu-Fei grinned. "My backside is now completely safe from horny knights."

"Seems silly to go to that much trouble," said Heero. "You could have just knifed them."

Wu-Fei sniffed. "My goal is for everyone to walk away unscathed and unfucked."

"That's quite admirable," said Trowa.

"Besides," added Quatre, "if anyone else starts killing off knights at the rate Heero is, King Arthur will soon have none left."

"Oh, shut up!"

Trowa's troupe performed their trapeze act for the crowd that night. Trowa did all of the catching, since he trusted himself best to compensate for slight misalignments in the releases of his new acrobats. Each stunt was preceded by hushed anticipation and followed by wild applause after each successful swing, jump and catch.

Duo got very mournful as the performers were showered with coins at the conclusion of their performance.

"We may as well cancel the dice game tonight," he grumbled. "Damn that Trowa!"

"Well, at least you already have your silk undies," said Quatre. "How do those feel, by the way?"

Duo brightened. "Soft and smooth as a lover's kiss. I'm never wearing any other kind."

"Hmm…" Quatre rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

"Oh, please!" exclaimed Heero.

"At least he's wearing some," Wu-Fei quipped.

"Like it bothers you that I don't!" Heero mumbled under his breath.

Wu-Fei grinned. "I never said it did."

"Speaking of that," said Duo, "since we probably aren't going gambling, why don't we go see if all three of us will fit in the bathtub? I got some scented bath oil in the market today."

Heero frowned. "I don't need a bath."

"Geez, you really are becoming a knight, aren't you?" Duo laughed. "But getting clean wasn't the primary reason for wanting to get you all wet and oily in the tub. What do you say, Fei?"

Wu-Fei's eyes were half-closed and he was smiling dreamily. "Wet, oily and naked. Those have got to be my three favorite words. Let's go."

Heero balked. "You guys! I told you I have something to do after dinner."

"Can't it wait?" Duo asked plaintively.

Heero shook his head firmly. "No. I'll join you later." He started to leave, but at the sight of their comically pouting faces, he threw up his hands. "Fine! I'll be as quick as I can. And I'll bring more hot water!" he called back over his shoulder as he walked away.

"Oh, goody!" Duo grabbed Wu-Fei's hand and stood up. "Come on!"

"Hey guys, before you go, did you see where Trowa went?" asked Quatre.

"No," said Wu-Fei. "He must have gone with his troupe."

"Oh." Quatre looked disappointed. "I guess I'll go study then. There's a new spell I want to practice anyway. I'll see you later."

"Later, Quatre."

"Ciao."

Merlin was not in his tower. Quatre decided to read the spell book that had interested him while he waited. He was feeling confident. The spell didn't sound that hard.

Merlin entered to find a cloud of smoke slowly dissipating around Quatre.

"My dear boy!" he exclaimed. "In heaven's name, what have you done?!"

"I'm not sure," Quatre answered faintly. His voice sounded rather high-pitched to his own ears.

"Oh dear!" said Merlin.

Seeing the alarmed look on Merlin's face and feeling rather odd, Quatre looked down at himself. Two rather large lumps thrust out from his chest. His mouth fell open. "What the hell?" he whispered. A strand of long blond hair fell over his shoulder. With sudden horror, he grabbed himself between the legs. There was nothing there.

"NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

All through the castle, people looked up in alarm at the horrified cry echoing through the halls.

"Now, calm down Quatre!" Merlin patted his shoulder. "I'm sure we can fix this. Eventually."

"What do you mean 'eventually'?!"

"It might take a day or two."

"A day or two?! You said transformations only lasted as long as I willed it!"

"Well, this isn't really a transformation," Merlin said carefully. "Sex change spells are a little different." He tried to look encouraging. "You might find it amusing. I spent a few days as a woman once. It was quite educational."

Quatre covered her face with her delicate hands. "I can't let anyone see me like this!"

"Oh, but you make a very beautiful woman," Merlin assured her absently as he began flipping though the spell books on his table. "Why don't you go back to your room while I look for that counter-spell I used when this happened to me?"

Quatre groaned.

She almost made it back to their suite before a knight stopped her.

"Hoy, my beauty! Your lovely face is familiar, but I don't recall when we might have met." He backed Quatre up against the wall and leaned close. "Perhaps you would like to refresh my memory." He looked her up and down. "That fetching outfit looks like a boy's garb."

"Get lost, brute!" Quatre retorted. She tried to push the leering knight away. Her effeminate little shove had almost no effect.

"Playing coy, are we?" the knight exclaimed. "Let's have a kiss anyway." He caught Quatre by the chin and mashed his lips on hers.

"_Imperiti__ ipse transformare tigris!_" Quatre mumbled furiously around the knight's fat tongue.

The knight suddenly found himself holding a very angry, very full grown tiger by the chin whiskers. He leapt backwards with a startled shout and the Quatre-tiger jumped on him with a ferocious roar.

In the main hall, Trowa was humbly receiving the adulation of the lords and ladies of the court for his amazing performance when three frightened servants dashed in.

"Master Trowa! Master Trowa!" they cried. "We think it's young Master Quatre trying to eat someone in the passage upstairs!"

"Eat someone?!" Trowa cried. "And you _think_ it's Quatre?" he added as he ran with them out of the hall.

The tiger in the passageway looked like it might be Quatre. Trowa certainly hoped it was for the sake of the knight whose throat was, at the moment, clamped between its jaws.

"Quatre! Put that knight down right now!"

The Quatre-tiger just growled.

"Quatre!" Trowa pointed sternly at the ground. "Drop him, I said!"

The Quatre-tiger opened its mouth and dropped the knight onto the floor. But before the terrified man could crawl away, the tiger put one big paw squarely on his chest and mashed him into the floor.

Trowa shook a finger at the tiger. "Let him up this instant!"

The Quatre-tiger leaned a little more weight onto its paw and the knight started to turn blue.

"Quatre! I'm not telling you again!"

The Quatre-tiger huffed and stepped back. The knight rolled onto his side and crawled weakly away.

"Bad kitty!" Trowa admonished. "You come with me right now. You're in a lot of trouble!"

"Grrr!" the Quatre-tiger said, but it followed Trowa down the passage to their suite, lashing its tail.

Once the door was closed behind them, Quatre changed back.

Trowa stared with his mouth open. "Wh…" he tried, paused, swallowed, and tried again. "What the hell happened to you?"

Quatre frowned daintily. "It's a minor spell-casting accident," she replied. "Merlin says he can fix it."

Trowa stared.

"Quit staring!"

"I'm sorry, but you look really pretty."

"Don't say that!"

Trowa stepped closer. "So are you, well, completely a woman?"

"Yes, dammit, and quit looking at me like that!"

"But you're really pretty."

"You already said that!"

"Why don't we go to my room for a little while?"

"Trowa!"

"Just for an hour or two. Or maybe three." He took Quatre's hand and led her to his room. "It's not often one gets to deflower the same person twice."

In the morning, Quatre refused to leave the suite.

"I don't want anyone to see me like this," she grumbled.

Heero, Duo and Wu-Fei all stared at her speculatively.

"Yeah, you're probably right about that," agreed Duo. "A pretty girl like you is just going to attract attention." He grinned.

"Don't call me a pretty girl!" Quatre complained.

"But you are rather pretty," Wu-Fei pointed out.

"And nicely shaped," added Heero.

"Yeah," said Duo. He moved closer to Quatre. "That's a really good spell."

"Would you all please quit staring at me?!"

Duo put his arm around her waist. "How would you like to try on my silk underwear? I bet it would look good on you."

Wu-Fei put an arm around her shoulders. "And afterwards, maybe you'd like to take a bath?"

Heero caught some of Quatre's long, blond strands of hair between his fingers. "Your hair looks good long."

Quatre stared from one to the other. "You wouldn't dare!" she exclaimed in growing alarm.

"Why not?" Duo said. "I bet Trowa already did."

Trowa just smiled.

"Besides, you said you weren't going out," added Wu-Fei.

"I don't have any plans for this morning," said Heero.

"Trowa!" Quatre pleaded.

"I'll see you later. Have fun." Trowa left.

Quatre looked at the others with resignation. "Promise you'll be gentle?"

"Of course," said Duo. "Every single time."


	8. A Knight of the Round Table?

**Wulfkun**: If it's disturbing that you like it, imagine how disturbing it must be to be writing it! I scare myself! But anyway, Heero didn't lose! He chose to come in second, at Trowa's urging. It may hurt, but even Heero can manage to be gracious!

**MsManga**: I know I shouldn't torment poor Quatre so, but he's so dang cute! I just can't help myself!

**Precognition74**: Less kind people might accuse me of projecting…

**ZmajGoddess**: I'm pretty sure in this chapter they only TALK about having sex. I think…

Chapter 8: A Knight of the Round Table?

Quatre was a woman for three long days (and nights!). She refused to leave the suite looking like a girl, so Trowa included her in his troupe's performances at dinner, so she could get out for a few hours. Everyone at court was entirely astonished to see a tiger jumping through flaming hoops, walking on its hind legs and balancing on a big wooden ball.

"They do know that's Quatre, right?" Duo asked.

"Probably, but it's still fun to watch." Wu-Fei said. "I didn't know Quatre could balance on a ball."

"She probably can't with only two feet," Heero snorted.

"I bet you couldn't either," Duo replied. "But it looks like she's having fun. Maybe she'll be in a better mood tonight." He grinned at the others. "We probably don't have many more chances before Merlin figures out how to change her back into a guy. This is kind of fun. I don't know why it feels kinky."

"Everything feels kinky to you," Heero grumbled. "It's because you're a pervert."

"That's why I enjoy life more than you do."

Heero frowned. "Well, I've got something I need to do. I'll see you guys later." He marched out.

"Where do you suppose he keeps going off to every night?" Wu-Fei wondered. "He came back while you were with Quatre last night, and I swear he was too tired to do it more than twice!"

"No way!" Duo stared. "Only twice?!"

"Yeah. If I hadn't done it with Quatre all those times, I'd've felt positively cheated."

"I bet."

"Feel like gambling tonight?"

"Got your sword?"

"Always."

"Ok. When the show's over, let's see if we can interest anybody in a little dice. Besides, it will give Trowa time to finish up with Quatre."

"Do you suppose he minds that the rest of us are doing her, too?"

"Nah, it's not like we're screwing his boyfriend or anything." Duo laughed. "Come on, let's go see what that group of knights is up to. They look like they're in the mood for a little fun."

Heero came back to the suite later that night to find Trowa reading a book in the living room.

"You're up late."

Trowa looked up. "I couldn't sleep. The others were making too much noise."

"I don't hear anything."

"Oh, they stopped a little while ago. I was just finishing the chapter."

"Hmm..." Heero looked thoughtful. "Well, maybe I'll just say goodnight to Quatre before I turn in."

Trowa smiled. "Good night."

Merlin came to their suite the next morning. "Good morning, gentlemen! I have good news! I found the counter-spell to the sex change Quatre cast on herself. We can put things to right in short order."

"Oh, thank god!" Quatre exclaimed. "If I had to stay a woman another hour, I'd scream. You have no idea how raw I am." She clasped Merlin's arm. "They're animals, all of them!" She stared accusingly at the other four pilots, who all tried to look innocent. No one succeeded.

Merlin patted her hand. "There, there, my dear. It will all soon be over. Now you just stand right there and let me fix this."

Quatre stepped back and stared hopefully at Merlin. Merlin held up his arms dramatically.

"_Vos nativesco_!" he cried.

A cloud of smoke enveloped Quatre.

"That's it?" muttered Duo. "He spent three days looking for that?"

"It certainly doesn't seem like much," agreed Trowa. "I hope it worked."

The smoke dissipated and revealed Quatre looking like his old self again. He immediately clasped himself between the legs with a look of relief. "Oh, thank god! It's back!"

The other four broke up laughing. Quatre glared at them.

"You wouldn't be laughing if it was your genitals missing," he declared. He turned to Merlin. "Thank you very much, Master Merlin. Believe me, I will be much more careful in the future about invoking spells I don't understand completely."

Merlin chuckled. "Don't fret, my dear boy. All of us wizards have our own share of accidents to live down. I'm sure no harm will come of this." He patted Quatre on the arm and tottered out.

As soon as the door closed, Quatre turned an angry glare on his comrades. "Don't think I won't forget this, you guys! You took advantage of me! It might do you good to spend a day or two as furniture."

"Don't be angry, Quatre," Trowa said with a smile. "You were just too cute to ignore like that."

"Which is not to say you're not cute now," Duo said brightly. "We can take advantage of you like this, too, if you want."

"Oh, shut up!" Quatre growled. "I'm going to my room BY MYSELF, for a change." He stalked to his room with his nose stuck haughtily into the air and slammed the door behind him.

"Geez," mumbled Duo, "you'd think it was the first time he got tag-teamed."

"Why don't the rest of you go find something to do?" Trowa said. "I'll stay here and try to cheer him up."

"You do that," said Heero. "I have some training to do before my… um… before this thing I have to do tonight. I'll probably miss dinner." He went out.

"What the hell?" exclaimed Duo. "He's up to something."

"I agree," said Wu-Fei. "We should follow him. I want to know what it is."

"Yeah, me too. Later Trowa."

"Later."

At dinner that night, Percival was acting secretive. Heero was not there and the four remaining pilots were highly suspicious.

"Percival, what's going on?" Duo demanded. "Where's Heero?"

Percival tried to look innocent. "Why, I don' know where young Master Heero is. He's not here?" He looked around in feigned surprise.

"You know something, Percival. Spill it!"

"Spill it?" Percival looked genuinely confused.

"Out with it!" Wu-Fei said. "Tell us what you know. You're as transparent as lace underwear."

"Oooh, that sounds comfortable," Duo murmured thoughtfully.

Percival tried the innocent look again. "I'm sure whatever has detained Heero is quite important. No doubt you'll see him later."

"That's it! I'm beating it out of him!" Duo announced.

"What are you keeping it a secret for, Percival?" a knight suddenly called out. "His vigil doesn't start till tomorrow anyway."

"Vigil?" the four asked in unison.

"Aye," said the knight. "Young Master Heero's purifying himself tonight. Tomorrow morning his vigil starts. He'll pray in the chapel all day and all night for divine guidance, so as to become a true and honest knight, just like the rest of us."

Not a breath of air stirred out of the four open mouths that gaped at him in response.

Trowa recovered first. "Heero's in a church? Praying?"

"Not yet," said Percival. "Tonight is the purification. He bathed earlier and now he's fasting, drinking only the purest, blessed water to flush all impurities from within him." Percival smiled apologetically. "He asked me not to tell you. He seemed to think you would make light of his devotion."

"Us?" exclaimed Duo. "Make light of Heero going to church? Never!" Then he snickered.

Wu-Fei began to chuckle. "Heero is being purified? I wouldn't have thought there was enough water in the world for that."

Duo began to guffaw. He collapsed onto Wu-Fei's shoulder, laughing so hard he could scarcely breathe.

Quatre slapped Duo on the back of the head. "You be nice! When was the last time you were in a church, preacher-boy?"

"Ow!" Duo rubbed his head. "It's been a while, I admit, but still…"

"What I wonder," began Trowa, "is how they managed to get all the weapons off of him? I'm pretty sure he's still armed even when he's humping."

"Good point," said Wu-Fei. "Remember when he had you on your back, Duo, and you got jabbed with that knife he had in his…"

"That's quite enough information," Quatre interrupted loudly. "Why don't we all just eat our dinner quietly and talk about other things?" He impaled a small piece of venison with his knife and stuffed it in his mouth. An odd look came over his face as he chewed and swallowed the morsel.

"You all right, Quatre?" Trowa asked. "You look a little queasy."

"I think…" Quatre began, and he turned decidedly green. "I think I'm going to be sick," and he leaned under the table and puked.

"Quatre!"

"Oh!" Quatre moaned. "I don't feel good at all."

"Here, drink this, lad." Percival offered him a goblet of wine.

Quatre put a hand over his mouth and gagged.

"He needs water," said Trowa. A cup of water was passed down the table and Quatre sipped it carefully while Trowa cradled him in one arm. "We'd better go upstairs. I think you should lie down."

Quatre nodded. Trowa helped him up and the two left, walking very slowly.

Percival looked worried. "I hope he is all right. Sudden illnesses of that type never bode well."

"Indeed," added another knight. "He didn't bathe recently, did he?"

Duo and Wu-Fei exchanged a guilty glance.

"So, Percival," Duo changed the subject quickly, "can we visit Heero while he goes through this purification and vigil thing?"

"You may see him during the purification, but once the vigil begins, only true knights may attend him. I'll take you to him after dinner, but you must promise to be respectful." Percival gave them each a stern look.

"Yes, sir."

Heero was wearing a long white dress with a rope sash. Duo and Wu-Fei exchanged a glance.

"I know what you're thinking," Heero growled. "It's not a dress, it's a robe."

"Of course it is," Duo said with a straight face. "Do you have anything on underneath it?"

"None of your business!"

"That would be a no," said Wu-Fei.

"I imagine that's to let all the impurities out," said Duo sagely.

"Um hm," Wu-Fei agreed.

"What do you idiots want?"

"We're just curious. Why are you doing this?"

Heero crossed his arms and looked away without answering.

"Oh, come on. We really want to know."

Heero frowned. "It just seemed like the next logical step."

"I see." Duo looked thoughtful. "But if you become a knight, you're really going to have to stop killing them without a good reason."

"I always have a good reason." At their skeptical looks, he added, "And besides, if I'm a knight like they are, they'll stop trying to get into my pants. You notice they never do that to each other."

Wu-Fei stared. "And you said I was going to extremes getting a katana made for me so I could protect my virtue!"

"Hey!" Duo exclaimed suddenly. "If you become a knight, that'll make you Sir Heero! That's cool!"

"That's right, and I'll expect you to address me by my title from now on," Heero deadpanned.

Duo and Wu-Fei executed exaggerated bows. "Of course, SIR Heero!"

"Now get out," Heero snapped. "With you two fools around, I'll need to start the purification process all over again."

Trowa was astonished when Duo and Wu-Fei told him what Heero was doing. "I guess that makes sense, though. He always likes to be the best at whatever he's doing."

"That's Heero, all right. How's Quatre?"

"He's sleeping. He seemed a little better when we got back. That meat was probably just bad."

"Probably."

However, it was not the meat that made Quatre throw up the next morning. They hadn't even had breakfast yet. Trowa put a worried hand on his forehead.

"You don't seem to have a fever. Do your joints ache?"

"No, I just feel nauseous." Quatre hung his head. "I must have eaten something bad."

"I'll get one of the scullery maids to bring you some porridge. That's pretty bland."

"Thanks."

Quatre ate his porridge and was fine the rest of the day. But at dinner that night, the smell of the roast pig made him gag, and he could barely manage to eat bread and jam.

"Whatever you ate is really doing a number on you, Quatre," Duo said sympathetically. "You're going to lose weight if this keeps up."

"I know." Quatre managed a wan smile. "I'm sure it will go away soon. My digestion's usually tougher than this. Does anyone know how Heero is doing?"

"Ok, I suppose," said Wu-Fei. "We haven't heard anything. Apparently, once his vigil is over, they'll put on his spurs and then Arthur is supposed to knight him. That should happen tomorrow morning."

"Percival said they usually have a mini-joust to celebrate a new knight's investiture, and then a feast that night." Duo grinned. "He says it can get pretty rowdy." He rubbed his hands together. "I found some lace-makers in the market yesterday who said they can make lace undergarments. I could use a little coin right now."

"What's wrong with the silk ones?" asked Quatre.

"Nothing, I just wouldn't mind a little variety, that's all. Shall I have them make some for you?"

"Well…" Quatre said throughtfully. "Maybe just one pair."

"He's been corrupted," Trowa said mournfully.

Wu-Fei laughed.

The next morning, Heero emerged from the chapel dressed head to toe in gleaming new armor custom made for him, with shining silver spurs clinking on the heels of his boots. He was escorted by stern-faced knights from the chapel to the main hall, where King Arthur waited with his mighty sword, Excalibur, to invest Heero with all the rights, powers and responsibilities appertaining to a knight of the Round Table. He tapped Excalibur on each of Heero's shoulders proudly.

"Arise, Sir Heero Yuy, Knight of the Round Table!"

Cheers and wild applause greeted Heero as he rose and turned to face the crowd.

"You know, I just had a thought," Trowa remarked amid the cheering. "Now that Heero's a knight, he can knock Lancelot on his ass at the next joust and no one will say a thing."

"Trowa!" Quatre exclaimed.

"I was just thinking!"

"Say, Fei," said Duo, "Don't you think Heero owes us an extra-long personal celebration for all the time he's spent preparing for this knighthood?"

"Absolutely," said Wu-Fei. "But it's going to be a bitch getting him out of all that armor."


	9. One Surprise After Another

**Precognition74**: As promised! A chapter in which Wu-Fei and Duo get more to do, although, they may not thank you for this later. Q-chan can tell you that having my undivided attention is never a good thing.

_Q-chan: no kidding!_

**Japanese Vampire Babe II**: Tee-hee-hee! You'll find out! **;p**

**ZmajGoddess**: Remember, they remarked on how good Heero looked in armor back in Chapter 6, so we know they think he's hot. Ok, they think he's hot wearing just about anything, or nothing!

_Duo: Hell yeah!_

Chapter 9: One Surprise After Another

"I'm bored," Wu-Fei announced.

The proof of this statement could be found in the fact that he was slicing a piece of parchment into progressively smaller pieces, while keeping all the pieces in the air simultaneously. His katana made a nice whistling sound as it slashed through the air.

The handful of knights watching this demonstration in wide-eyed astonishment kept a careful distance.

"Damn!" Wu-Fei muttered as the last tiny shreds of parchment were carried away on an errant breeze. He looked around for something else to slice up.

The knights all backed up.

"If you lack sufficient challenge, Master Wu-Fei," one called out, "you might have a go at the dragon in Hammersly. I hear it's been active again, eating livestock and the stray traveler or two."

Wu-Fei perked up. "A dragon, you say? They really exist?"

"Of course they exist. And a damned nuisance they are to," the knight replied. The others all nodded in agreement. "They're always eating some poor village or other out of their livelihood and then starting a few fires for the hell of it. They think it's funny watching people running around trying to put them out."

"Aye!" growled another knight. "They've a right rotten sense of humor, but they're sweet-tongued devils too. They're always wooing some empty-headed maiden into wandering off, so some poor knight will take it into his head to go rescue her. Then the damn dragon eats up the knight and his horse and lets the maiden go."

Wu-Fei's eyes widened with excitement. "They talk, too?!" He grinned at the knights. "Just how do I find this dragon?"

The babble of conflicting directions, coupled with outbursts of "You're completely wrong!" and "That's not the way to Hammersly!" and "You couldn't find your own ass with both hands!" left Wu-Fei staring in confusion.

One knight finally shouted the others down. "Don't listen to those imbeciles, Master Wu-Fei. I, Sir Hagrimore, will guide you there. Though mind you, I plan to hang back a fair ways while you engage the beastie."

"Fair enough," said Wu-Fei. "I'll see if my friend Duo wants to come along."

"That's a good idea," Hagrimore said. "It generally takes a dragon longer to kill two people."

Wu-Fei sheathed his katana. "How long will it take to get there?"

"Tis a good two days ride, but there are some very nice inns between here and there."

The group of knights got excited. "That's true! An excursion to the countryside would be a welcome break from the tedium of court life."

Wu-Fei told Duo about the excursion when the five of them met in the suite before dinner.

"A road trip?!" Duo cried delightedly.

Heero snorted. "Did you miss the part about the fire-breathing dragon at the end?"

"Oh, come on Heero, how bad can it be?" Wu-Fei said. "I've fought worse."

"From inside a gundam."

"Details. Besides, I need to get out. I want to do something strenuous."

"What you were doing to me last month wasn't strenuous enough for you?" Quatre grumbled irritably. He was looking a little pale.

"Are you still complaining about that, Quatre?" said Duo. "We said we were sorry."

"You don't look sorry to me. Anyway, I'm not going to dinner. I don't feel well."

Trowa looked concerned. "You're starting to worry me, Quatre. You've been sick practically every day for weeks now."

"Yeah," agreed Wu-Fei. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were pregnant."

Dead silence greeted this statement and the five pilots stared at each other.

Quatre's eyes went round and he shook his head slowly. "Oh no! That's not possible! I'm a guy!"

"But you were a girl for a few days there, Quatre, and you did put out," Duo pointed out.

"Maybe we'd better go talk to Merlin," Trowa said.

"No, no, no!" Quatre cried as the five hurried to Merlin's tower.

Thankfully, he was there and they all crowded into the cluttered room.

"Master Merlin," Trowa began, "Quatre's been sick a lot lately and we're a little worried that he might be… well… expecting." Merlin's eyebrows lifted in surprise. "It seems unlikely, since he's a guy again and all," Trowa continued, "but is there any way you can check?"

Merlin pursed his lips thoughtfully. "Well, normally this is a woman's purview, but as it happens, I have a potion that may show us the answer." He began searching through the jumble of instruments and whatnot on one table. He handed Quatre a small wooden cup. "Would you provide me with a little of your water please, young Master Quatre? There's a good lad."

Quatre stared at the cup while Merlin began fetching various bottles and jars off shelves and mixing things together in a small glass beaker.

"He wants you to pee in it," Trowa said.

"I know that!" Quatre grumbled. He stepped to the side of the room and turned his back.

"All right, my boy, I'm ready for that cup now," said Merlin.

Quatre handed him the cup and Merlin poured a few drops into the beaker. The pale green liquid in the beaker immediately turned bright blue.

"Well, isn't that something?" Merlin exclaimed.

"What?!" Quatre cried.

"Congratulations, my boy! You're going to be a mother."

"Oh lord!" Quatre exclaimed weakly. His knees buckled and he sank to the floor. He glared up at the others accusingly. "You bastards knocked me up!"

The other four pilots exchanged innocent glances.

"Oh, dear!" said Merlin. "You don't know which one…"

"I blame all of them!" Quatre buried his face in his hands. "How is this even possible? I'm not a woman any more."

"Well," Merlin speculated, "as the condition was no doubt precipitated while you were a woman, the magic must have made some adjustments to account for it when I changed you back. This is really quite fascinating. You don't mind if I study the progress of your pregnancy do you?"

"Study it?" Quatre jumped to his feet. "I want you to figure out how to end it!"

"Dear me, I couldn't do that," said Merlin. "This is an unprecedented opportunity. Think of all we can learn!"

Quatre's mouth worked, but no sound came out.

"Look, Quatre, this is our fault and we'll take care of you," Trowa said gently.

"What does he mean 'we'?" Duo whispered to Wu-Fei.

Quatre rounded on him. "You horny sons-of-bitches are all going to pay for this, do you hear me? I think a few months eating bugs as a lizard is only fair!"

"Now, Quatre…" Duo began nervously, but Merlin interrupted him.

"I think it would be better if you did not cast any spells in your condition, Quatre. You're already a boiling teakettle of magic. It might be better not to stir things up any more." Merlin smiled encouragingly. "But, under the circumstances, I will see what I can do about accelerating your pregnancy." Then he put his finger on the side of his nose. "But don't mention this to anyone, or every expectant woman in the castle will be clamoring for the same treatment."

Quatre grumbled under his breath as they headed back downstairs.

The others wisely said nothing, until they reached the passageway leading to their suite.

"Are you sure you don't want to come to dinner, Quatre?" Trowa asked.

"After all, you're eating for two now," Heero remarked with a straight face.

Quatre glared at him. To Trowa, he said, "Bring me some bread. I'm going to go decide which spells to cast on you guys after this thing is out of my body." He stamped away down the passage.

"You know, under the circumstances, I think he took that pretty well," said Wu-Fei.

"I think this calls for a drink!" Duo said. "We're gonna be dads!"

The four of them continued downstairs to the main hall.

"So Heero," said Wu-Fei, "you want to come with me and Duo to fight the dragon? Right now, that sounds safer than facing Quatre."

Heero shook his head. "Nah, you guys go ahead and play without me. Some of the knights are going to a jousting tournament in some muddy little village on the Thames and I thought I'd tag along. Supposedly, some French knights are coming over for it, so it might be fun."

"That sounds like a good idea," said Trowa. "Staying out of Quatre's way till he calms down is probably for the best."

"I agree with that," said Duo, grinning. "Trowa can deal with him. It's probably his anyway. He did go first."

Trowa frowned.

"Well, unless we get back to our own time and do a paternity test on the brat, we'll probably never know," Heero said.

"Unless it looks like one of us," Wu-Fei remarked.

"There's that," agreed Heero. "Let's just hope it wasn't Duo. We don't need another idiot in our midst."

"Hey!"

Duo and Wu-Fei left the next morning for Hammersly with Hagrimore and a dozen or so other knights.

"Tis a fine day for an excusion!" Hagrimore said brightly.

It was pouring down rain. Most of the knights were riding stripped to their under-garments, commenting on their good fortune in getting their fall bath out of the way early.

"I say, young masters," Hagrimore cried, "You'll not get clean all bundled up like that!"

Duo peeked out from under the hood of his new sealskin cloak. "I've had my fall bath already, Sir Hagrimore. I wouldn't want to run the risk of getting wet to the skin again so soon."

Wu-Fei nodded vigorously in agreement from beneath his own matching cloak.

"Ah, that's very wise," Hagrimore said approvingly. "And I've heard folks say you foreigners have no sense when it comes to bathing." He lowered his voice to a conspiratorial whisper that only carried for a league or so. "You may not have heard, but there's a rumor going around that you lot bathe EVERY DAY!"

"You don't say!" Duo exclaimed in a shocked voice.

Hagrimore nodded. "But then, since your handsome blond friend is a wizard, folks are inclined to overlook such talk. Wizards are a touchy lot, and your friend especially so."

"Well, that's true, especially now," agreed Duo.

Wu-Fei gave Duo a warning look.

"But you've the right of it, in any case," Hagrimore continued. "If it's still raining tomorrow, the lot of us will be bundled from head to toe."

"Master Wu-Fei, have you a plan of attack for the dragon?" asked a knight, Sir Damodin by name. "Not that we really expect you to destroy it, but this particular dragon is rumored to have a hoard large enough to satisfy a hundred men."

"Well…" Wu-Fei began, but Duo interrupted him.

"What's that you say? A hoard?" Duo's eyes got very bright. "You mean treasure? Like gold and jewels?"

"The very same," Damodin laughed. "Dragons are notorious for their taste in pretty things, especially the sparkly stuff."

"Why didn't you mention this before?" Duo cried, aggrieved. "We could have brought more horses to bring it all back."

The knights laughed.

"That dragon's a thousand years old!" Hagrimore said. "We're just hoping he doesn't reduce the pair of you to cinders right off."

Wu-Fei sniffed loudly. "Your lack of faith in my abilities offends me."

"Now, now, Master Wu-Fei," replied Hagrimore, "we mean no insult, but we've known this dragon a sight longer than we've known you."

"Aye, and even Lancelot hasn't tried himself against this particular beastie."

"So if this thing is so invincible, why hasn't it eaten and burned up the entire country?" asked Duo.

"Dragons sleep a lot."

"That's it?"

"Aye. They sleep nine years out of ten, so they don't really trouble folks that much."

"And the older they get, the more they sleep."

"And this dragon's really old."

"He probably sleeps nineteen years out of twenty now."

"They tend to be short-tempered when they're awake, though, because they're quite hungry."

"I can relate to that," Duo put in. "When do we stop for lunch?"

Hagrimore pointed up the road. "There's an inn just over the rise ahead. We'll stop there."

"Good."

The rain let up later that afternoon, so they reached the next inn, where they were spending the night, reasonably dry.

"What are the sleeping accommodations like?" Wu-Fei asked suspiciously upon reaching the large, slightly rundown-looking inn.

"Well, this place charges by the bed," Hagrimore said. "Same price, no matter how many bodies you pile into it. We find we can fit three men in the same bed pretty comfortably, although, as you and your companion are slight of build, we might manage four." He grinned and some of the other knights leered suggestively.

Wu-Fei shuddered. "I think, since we need to be properly rested to face the dragon, my friend and I should sleep together without any company."

"How's that going to result in proper rest?" Duo whispered.

"Too bad," muttered one of the knights.

As it turned out, the inn boasted a handful of serving maids who weren't above exchanging a few favors for a little coin, so Wu-Fei and Duo went to bed more or less unmolested.

A second day of similar travel brought them to rolling countryside, dotted with trees and grazing sheep. Lowering gray clouds lent everything a dreary, dismal air. A dark wall of forest could just be seen in the distance through the gloom as they rode down a steep slope into Hammersly village. Upon hearing that Wu-Fei and Duo were going to fight the dragon, the innkeeper politely suggested that they settle up beforehand.

"Do we really look that incompetent?" Wu-Fei complained.

"Well," said Hagrimore, "you're not so large as my older boy, who is but a year into his knight's training. That does introduce doubt into folks' minds."

"Size isn't everything," Wu-Fei grumbled.

"Oh really?" said Duo.

"Shut up!"

The dragon lived in a cave under a stony hill that jutted up out of the forest about an hour's ride from Hammersly village. The area in front of the cave, visible from a neighboring hilltop, had been burned clear of brush and trees, and the bones of several animals, including a few men, were scattered about.

"Yep, that's a dragon's den, all right," one knight announced sagely, producing an immediate chorus of snide remarks about the astuteness of his observation.

"Do you suppose it's in there?" asked Wu-Fei.

"If it is, it will come right out when you call," said Hagrimore. "They like it when meals turn up on their doorstep."

Wu-Fei gave him a dark look and dismounted. "Let's walk," he said to Duo. "The horses will just get in the way."

Duo dismounted and they walked toward the cave.

"Say, Fei, why don't you keep the dragon busy while I nip into the cave and see if there's anything in there worth having?"

"What's the point of that if we can't kill it?"

"What's the point of killing it if there's nothing worth having?" Duo shrugged. "Besides, I thought you just wanted to play with it anyway."

"That's true."

They walked up to edge of the burned area.

"Hello the cave!" Wu-Fei called. "Are you at home, Dragon?"

There was a deep rumble from within the cave. A plume of smoke trickled out. The sound of something very heavy slithering along rock could be heard. Then a scaly snout poked out of the cave, followed slowly by a long sinuous body.

The dragon was lizard-like in proportion, with gold and green scales on its back fading to dark blue on its belly. Long white claws tipped its fingers and toes, and long white fangs protruded from its green scaled jaws. Its leathery golden wings flared out to either side as it cleared the cave entrance. The spiked tip of its long tail flicked back and forth as it regarded them with jet black eyes.

"Thou shouldst address me by name, puny mortal," the dragon said in a deep, rumbling voice that hissed slightly on the esses. "I am Phuketanapitispoor Manakawatra."

"That's quite a mouthful for us simple folk, Master Dragon," Duo said. "Have you got a nickname?"

The dragon grinned, showing even more sharp white teeth. "Thou mayest address me as Gift, for dragons are God's gift to the world."

"And humble, too," Duo muttered under his breath.

Wu-Fei executed a courtly bow. "Noble Gift, I have come to engage you in single combat to protect the local people from your depredations."

Gift flicked his tongue at Duo. "Single combat?"

Duo held up his hands. "I just came to watch." He walked off to the side and left Wu-Fei alone in front of the dragon.

Wu-Fei drew his katana with a flourish.

A deep chuckle rumbled out of the dragon's chest. "Pray tell, what is that little toothpick?"

Wu-Fei frowned slightly. "Let me show you." He took three quick steps and leaped into the air, flipping and twisting as he went over the dragon's head. He landed neatly on the dragon's shoulders and slashed it across the base of the skull. With a metallic clattering sound, several scales were knocked off and a bright ribbon of blood appeared. Wu-Fei leaped to the ground on the side opposite Duo.

Gift let out a bellow of surprise and whirled toward Wu-Fei.

Duo slipped into the cave.

"Thou hast given me an itch, little man," Gift rumbled. "Methinks I should return the favor." The dragon leaped forward and slashed at Wu-Fei with one clawed hand.

A fierce battle ensued, with Wu-Fei slashing several more red gashes into the dragon's scaly hide, while Gift managed to catch Wu-Fei with one good clout that tumbled him across the clearing and bloodied his arm.

They stopped to catch their breath.

"How art thou called, human," Gift asked with a grin. "Methinks I like thee."

"I am Chang Wu-Fei."

"Not so noble as a dragon's name, but adequate for one such as thee." Gift looked around. "But how now, where has thy companion gone?" He turned toward the cave and sniffed. "Hoy, thou thief!" he called, "come forth lest I decide to toast thee for a snack."

Duo came out of the cave looking somewhat sheepish. "I meant no offense, Gift. I was just curious to see what you had in there."

"And how didst thou like it?" Gift's black eyes glittered.

"Well…" Duo said, "this dagger's mighty pretty." He held up a thin-bladed dagger in a black leather sheath with white gold chasing and tiny green jewels worked into the sides. The handle of the dagger was polished ebony and a single green jewel embedded in a white gold setting at the end of the handle glittered, despite the lack of sunshine to really set it off.

Gift smiled. "Art thee of a mind to keep it?"

"I wouldn't say no if you were giving it away."

"Well, I cannot give it to thee, but as thou hast taken it, I avow it is now thine." Gift's smile widened. "Although, in good conscience, I should tell thee, there is a curse on that bauble."

Duo paled. "A curse?"

"Aye. Not a bad one, especially, but a curse nonetheless. Now that the blade is thine, thou cannot be rid of it, except that it be stolen from thee. It will always find thee, no matter where thou mayest leave it."

"That's a curse?"

"I bet there's more to it," Wu-Fei muttered.

Gift flicked his tongue out as he chuckled. "That blade has the power to find any object less magical than itself, but if thou make use of that power, over time, it will begin to affect thee in ways that thou might find unpleasant."

"What kind of ways?" Duo asked suspiciously.

"In truth, I do not know, for I made use of its power only once. I did not notice any undue effects. But then, I am a dragon, and we are far superior to you humans."

"So if I don't use its power, nothing bad happens?"

"So I believe, but then, one never knows with magical objects."

"Great!" Duo stared at the knife with faint dismay. "I can't get rid of it, and it may do something bad to me."

"But it still works as a knife," Gift pointed out.

"Oh, thanks!"

Gift looked at Wu-Fei. "In fairness, now that thy friend has stolen from me…"

"You let me take it!" Duo protested.

Gift hissed at him. "In fairness," he continued to Wu-Fei, "I should kill thee for helping him to enter my home. But, as I enjoyed our fight, I shall give thee one chance to redeem thyself in my eyes. Answer this riddle, and I shall give thee a gift. If thou cannot, I shall take something precious from thee to add to my hoard." He eyed Wu-Fei's katana covetously.

"We can take him, Fei," Duo whispered.

"I don't think so," Wu-Fei whispered back. "All the time we were fighting, he didn't fly and he didn't breathe fire, and he nearly had me twice."

"Oh."

"What is your riddle, Gift?"

"Black as dragon's eye, rimmed with fire, will blind as sure as a funeral pyre. What am I?"

Wu-Fei thought deeply for a moment.

"Do we get a hint?" asked Duo.

"Hush," said Wu-Fei, still thinking. Then he smiled. "A solar eclipse!"

Laughter rumbled deep in Gift's chest and smoke curled out of his nostrils. "Well done, Change Wu-Fei! That is my best riddle and none has ever answered it. This has been a pleasing day, all around." The dragon opened his jaws wide and reached in with one clawed hand. He pulled a small tooth from near the back and held it out to Wu-Fei. "Take this. Wear it around thy neck and it will render thee unkillable."

Wu-Fei accepted the tooth with a bow. It was as long as his palm and quite sharp.

"There is one thing I should mention," said Gift. "By accepting a blood gift from a dragon, thou wilt take on aspects of a dragon's nature. Thou art a most fortunate human." With a wide toothy grin, Gift turned and slithered back into his cave.

Duo stared at the dagger in his hand. "Well, that didn't go quite the way I expected."

"What do you suppose he meant by 'aspects of a dragon's nature'?"

"I dunno." Duo slapped at cave dust on his clothes.

Wu-Fei sneezed.

A jet of fire shot from his mouth and set Duo's sleeve on fire.

"What the hell?!" Duo cried as he patted it out.

Wu-Fei stared at him with a look of alarm.

Duo pulled his braid over his shoulder and cradled it protectively. "You're riding in front of me on the way back!"


	10. Who's Your Daddy?

This chapter's a tad short, but sometimes that happens.

**dk-joy**: Ah, the knife! It's important to pay attention to the details…

**Precognition74**: Give me time! Wu-Fei and Duo are gonna get PLENTY of my attention as we go along. Trust me!

_Wu-Fei: Whose idea was it to involve us?  
__Duo: I don't know, but when I find out we're gonna have words._

**Japanese Vampire Babe II**: I'm not tellin'!

**ZmajGoddess**: We formally pregnant women carry a grudge FOREVER. It's payback time!

**lil' devil 2004**: No GW boy is safe with me! They'll ALL have something wrong with them before the end! Bwa-ha-ha!

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Chapter 10: Who's Your Daddy?

Quatre waddled into the living room. "I feel huge!" he complained loudly. "And I had to pee again! How do women live like this!"

"By making their men miserable, to hear men tell it," Trowa said with a sympathetic smile.

"And well they should!" Quatre sank onto the couch holding his back with one hand and his distended belly with the other. "My feet are so swollen!"

"I'll rub them for you," Trowa offered. He got a cushion and put it against the arm of the couch. "Lean against this and put your feet up."

"I hate all of you!" Quatre grumbled as he settled against the cushion.

"I know." Trowa sat down and put Quatre's feet in his lap. He gripped one foot with both hands, rubbing his thumbs firmly along the sole and working his fingers along the top.

"Ooohhh!" Quatre's eyes closed. "That fells wonderful. Maybe I don't hate you."

Trowa smiled. "At least Merlin was able to advance your pregnancy quite a bit. He said you should have the baby fairly soon."

"Like that's good news!" Quatre complained. "Men are not mentally or emotionally prepared to give birth. I shouldn't have to go through this. It's all your fault."

Trowa pinched Quatre's toe. "I know, but you were just too damn cute. You still are."

"I'm too fat."

"But you're still cute. You want me to prove it?"

"No! I'm never having sex again!"

"Never?"

"Well…" Quatre opened one eye and smiled slightly. "At least not with anyone else."

"Unless he's really handsome and well-spoken?"

"Nope, no one else!" Quatre closed his eye and settled back more. "Rub the other one now."

"Yes, master."

At that moment, Duo and Wu-Fei, along with Hagrimore and the other knights, were almost back to Camelot. The knights were discussing the pair's new acquisitions with great enthusiasm, although none of them showed even the slightest interest in actually touching either item.

"You know," said Duo, "I just realized that dragon never told me how to invoke the dagger's power."

_All you have to do is ask me._

"What did you say?" Duo asked.

"I didn't say anything," Wu-Fei grumped. He sounded rather nasal because he was holding his nose against the dust being kicked up by the horses' hooves. His horse's mane was badly singed and the poor animal kept rolling white-rimmed eyes back to look at his rider. "Why did it have to stop raining?" Wu-Fei complained.

Hagrimore chuckled. "Mayhap, if you discarded the dragon's gift, the, ah, flames would cease."

Wu-Fei frowned. "I already tried giving it to Duo. It didn't help."

"No doubt the dragon considers this ability a useful trait."

"No doubt," Wu-Fei muttered.

"Perhaps in time you will learn to control it," Hagrimore said encouragingly.

Wu-Fei grumbled darkly under his breath.

When they arrived at the castle and joined Trowa and Quatre in their suite, Trowa listened to their story with one of those expressions that said it took all of his will power to not burst out laughing.

Quatre showed no such restraint.

"Bwa-ha-ha!" he howled. "Serves you right! This is better than anything I could have done to you!"

"Now, Quatre," Trowa said, "show some kindness. Breathing fire is hardly a laughing matter." Then he snickered.

Wu-Fei glared at them. "I should singe you," he grumbled.

"Go ahead and try it!" Quatre said. "There's an indoor rain spell I've been meaning to try."

"Merlin said no magic, Quatre," Trowa reminded him.

Quatre frowned. "Damn!"

Duo studied him speculatively. "You've, uh, plumped up quite a bit there, Quatre."

"You calling me fat?" Quatre's eyes narrowed dangerously.

Duo backed up a few paces. "Absolutely not! You look great!"

"So you like fat boys, do you?" he growled softly.

Duo backed up farther, and so did Wu-Fei. "Uh, Trowa?"

"It's better not to talk about it," Trowa advised. "He's a little sensitive."

"Seed-spewing, boy-impregnating, sons-of…" Quatre trailed off, grumbling angrily.

Trowa put an arm around him. "Why don't you lie down for a little while, Quatre, before your feet swell up again?"

Quatre threw Duo and Wu-Fei a dark look before waddling off to his bedroom.

"Oh, man!" Duo exclaimed when Quatre's door was closed. "And I thought getting cursed by a dragon was bad!"

"Breathing a little fire doesn't seem so bad right at the moment," Wu-Fei agreed.

"He was talking about flaying the skin off people's bones earlier," Trowa reported helpfully.

"Oh, great!" Duo groaned.

"At least we wouldn't be cursed any more."

Trowa laughed. "Don't be so mournful, guys. I'm sure if we survive his postpartum depression, he won't kill us."

"I feel so much better now."

"Is Heero back yet?" Wu-Fei asked brightly, eager to change the subject.

"No, he's not due back for another week or so. I'm worried he won't get back before the baby is born."

"Lucky Heero!" said Duo. "Maybe I should ride out to meet him."

"You will not!" Trowa said sternly. "We are all going to be here at Quatre's side while he goes through this."

Duo stared at him. "You've got to be kidding! What possible good can come from being in the same room with an angry male wizard in labor?"

"I have to agree with Duo on this one," Wu-Fei said.

"It's our fault this is happening to him."

"And I will happily accept the blame from a county or two away," Duo assured him.

Trowa just looked at them.

They stared back.

"Oh, fine!" Duo threw up his hands in resignation. "But I'm keeping you, Wu-Fei and his katana in between me and the pregnant guy!"

"Wait a minute!" Wu-Fei exclaimed.

"You've got that dragon's tooth, remember!" Duo reminded him. "You can't be killed."

"But he never said I couldn't be maimed!"

Duo looked thoughtful. "That's true. We really gotta start reading the fine print on these magical objects."

Trowa looked from one to the other. "You're staying. You can hold his hands while I rub his back."

"Oh sure! Claim the safe spot behind him for yourself!"

Quatre had not yet given birth when Heero returned from the tournament. He, Percival and several other knights arrived just in time for dinner with lots of stories to tell.

"Come sit with us, Percival," said Duo. "I know you'll tell the story with the least embellishment."

"You mean he won't lie about his accomplishments," Heero said dryly.

"Or understate them," said Wu-Fei. "What we really want to know is how many men did Heero kill in the contest?"

Heero frowned.

"Well…" said Percival.

"No more than deserved it!" boomed Sir Borridin. "Those French knights were a might too full of themselves for a god-fearing Englishman's taste." He clapped Heero on the shoulder. "Our young friend here did England proud."

"Aye, that he did!" chorused several others.

"That Jean-Pierre Galvoisin de Croix Vert was a right conceited bastard until Sir Heero dropped him on his ass."

"Too bad Sir Heero didn't run him through like the other two."

"He killed two men?" Duo inquired.

"In the joust. There were two more in the melee."

"No, three. I heard ere we left that another succumbed to his wounds."

"Wasn't there another in the hand-to-hand?"

"Oh, right! The one who got his arm chopped off."

"Aye, that one."

"So it was six altogether."

There were nods of agreement all around.

Heero looked faintly embarrassed.

Duo and Wu-Fei exchanged a glance and then turned toward Heero with raised eyebrows.

"Oh, shut up!" Heero grumbled. He looked around. "Where're Quatre and Trowa?"

"Upstairs. Quatre's about ready to pop. Trowa was afraid you wouldn't make it back in time." Duo rolled his eyes. "He says we all have to be there."

"That only seems fair," said Heero.

"You're nuts," said Wu-Fei. "You haven't seen Quatre yet."

Heero appeared to change his mind when they returned to the suite after dinner.

Trowa grinned with relief at the sight of him. "Heero! You're back. I was starting to worry you wouldn't make it."

Quatre glared at Heero. "I just assumed that was his plan. He looks the sort to knock a fellow up and run for the hills."

Heero crossed his arms with a frown. "You know that's not true, Quatre. I never run away from anything. And besides, you don't really know who's responsible."

Quatre scowled and Trowa shook his head warningly at Heero. "We're all responsible, Heero," he said slowly and carefully.

"Of course," Heero agreed immediately. His face creaked into a forced smile. "We all want to help, Quatre."

"You've helped quite enough already, thank you!" Quatre snapped testily.

Trowa herded the others to the far side of the room. "He's been really moody today. I mentioned it to Merlin and he said Quatre might be close. You're all staying to help." It was not a suggestion.

"My back hurts!" Quatre complained tearfully. "And my hips ache!" His lower lip trembled. "This isn't fair! Everything hurts!"

"There, there!" Trowa said comfortingly. "It will be all right. Let me rub your back." He returned to Quatre's side and beckoned to the others sharply when they didn't move. "Get over here and show some sympathy."

"I don't want to have a baby!" Quatre wailed. "Men aren't supposed to have babies! This is SO wrong!" Tears spilled from his big blue eyes. "Trowa!"

Trowa rubbed his back and made comforting noises.

Quatre suddenly cried out and hunched over. "Ow!"

Wu-Fei looked worried. "Shouldn't we get a midwife?"

"No!" Quatre cried. "I don't want everyone gossiping about me!"

"I'm sorry, man, but I think they already are," said Duo.

Quatre smacked him on the side of the head.

"Ouch!" Duo cried out. "That hurt!"

"Good!" Quatre wept. "It's only fair for someone else to hurt, too. Oh!" He hunched over again.

"This is getting serious," said Heero. "We should at least get Merlin."

"I'll go!" Duo leaped to his feet and dashed out.

"Coward!" Quatre screamed after him. "Ow! Ow! Ow!" He clutched his belly. "I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS!"

Blue light shimmered around him and the three remaining pilots scrambled backwards as a full-grown tiger appeared in their midst.

"Quatre, I don't think that's a good idea!" Trowa exclaimed.

The Quatre-tiger growled at him.

They backed up farther.

"What do we do know?" whispered Wu-Fei.

"I don't know!" Trowa whispered back.

Duo burst back into the room with Merlin on his heels. They both stopped dead in their tracks.

"What the…" Duo began.

"Oh dear! That's not good," said Merlin.

"MMRRROWRRRR!" roared the Quatre-tiger.

"Uh… Shouldn't he change back?" ventured Duo.

The Quatre-tiger took a step toward him and snarled.

Duo stepped toward the door. "I'm good with this!"

And they all watched as the Quatre-tiger delivered a healthy little cub.

"Um, Merlin?" Trowa said. "Shouldn't the baby be human?"

"Well…" Merlin looked perplexed, never a good sign in a wizard. "I think… um… well…" He pursed his lips. "It probably is human."

"Then why does it look like a tiger?"

"Well… um… I'll have to think about that. Excuse me." Merlin beat a hasty retreat.

Trowa, Heero, Duo and Wu-Fei looked at each other while the Quatre-tiger cleaned the cub with a rough tongue.

Finally, Duo said, "Well guys, it looks like we're the proud fathers of a healthy baby tiger."

"Yup."

"How do you suppose he's going to feed it?"

Quatre shimmered back into his own shape. The cub stared at him with big, surprised eyes that looked to be the exact same shade of blue as Quatre's.

"You're going to go get me some milk and figure out how to make a baby bottle," Quatre said sternly.

"It's a tiger cub, Quatre," Heero pointed out.

"It still drinks milk." Quatre glared at them. "Any time now," he said pointedly.

"Right! Right! Baby bottle. Milk. We'll get right on it."

They started to crowd out the door.

"By the way, Quatre?" Trowa paused and looked back over his shoulder. "What are you going to call him?"

Quatre smiled lovingly at his little cub. "Roku. His name is Roku."

"Good name."

"That fits."

"I like it."

"Let's get the milk."


	11. Anyone Feel Like Explaining This?

**Loyal Readers**: I am so glad you are enjoying this fic! BUT… you will just have to keep reading to find out who's the daddy. Hopefully by then I'll have figured it out. You trust me, right? But guess what? My daughter and I went to a track meet in Reno and we went in the arcade at Circus-Circus, where, with my prize tickets, I obtained a little stuffed tiger cub that looks just like Roku! It was fate, I tell you!

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Chapter 11: Anyone Feel Like Explaining This?

"Roku looks bigger than he did yesterday," Duo remarked casually.

Wu-Fei glanced at the cub, who was happily chasing a piece of rope that Trowa was dragging around the floor. "You're right, he does look bigger."

"He is bigger," said Trowa. "Merlin said before that Roku would probably experience sudden growth spurts as an aftereffect of the spell he did to speed up Quatre's pregnancy."

"That make sense," said Wu-Fei. "But it could be a problem if his body matures faster than his mind."

"Doesn't seem like he's having any problems," said Duo. "He's a smart little fellow."

"As well he should be, with parents like us," Quatre interjected proudly. He entered the suite with a bucket of milk in one hand and some ground meat on a trencher balanced in the other. "Lunch time, Roku!"

Roku broke off his chase and dashed over to Quatre, bouncing around in front of him and trying to get his face into the bucket.

"Hang on! You'll make me drop everything." Quatre thumped the bucket down on the floor and dropped to his knees to set the trencher down. Roku rubbed against him, purring loudly and then plopped his face into the bucket, lapping the milk noisily.

"He sure eats a lot," Duo remarked.

"He needs to with all the growing he's been doing." Quatre scratched Roku's back and the cub lashed his tail back and forth.

The door banged open and Heero stamped into the room. He slammed the door shut behind him. "_Kusottare inpo waru!_" he grated out angrily.

Roku's head popped up out of the milk and he backed up with his ears down.

"Heero!" Quatre said sternly. "Watch your language! And watch how you enter the room! You frightened Roku."

Heero made an obvious effort to control his temper. "I'm sorry, Roku." He walked over and patted Roku on the head. "I didn't mean to startle you. Finish your lunch."

Roku huffed at him and dug into the meat on the trencher.

"So what's the matter with you, anyway?" Duo asked.

"Some of those bloody French knights we were jousting in London have come up to Camelot. For a rematch, they say."

"What's wrong with that?" asked Trowa. "You beat them before."

"It takes time to set up a jousting match." Heero crossed his arms and frowned in annoyance. "In the meantime, they'll be wandering around court flaunting their French airs and turning up their noses at everything English. You have no idea how conceited they are."

"You're not English," said Wu-Fei, "why should you care?"

"They're going to start fights."

"Well, that's their problem if they do," said Duo. "After you've killed enough of them, maybe they'll just go home."

"That's just it; I can't kill any of them." Heero sounded like he was being asked to hack off his own arm.

"Why not?" asked Quatre. "Trowa, fetch me the basin and a towel, would you?"

"Because they're guests of King Arthur while they're in his court, and under his protection. If I kill them without a really, really good reason, it would be an insult to Arthur."

"Ah," Trowa nodded in understanding. "And he's your liege now, since he knighted you."

"Yes."

"Well, that sucks!" said Duo.

Wu-Fei flicked his katana out of its sheath and slashed the air. "I am under no such obligation. If I hear them insult you, Heero, I may just take matters into my own hands."

"Thanks, Fei, but it may just be better if I avoid them until the tournament." He grinned wickedly. "Then I can run them through without anyone saying a thing."

"Mrrowwrr!" Roku growled as he tried to wriggle out of Quatre's lap.

"Hold still, you little wretch! You're filthy!" Quatre dipped his towel into the basin and scrubbed at Roku's blood and milk streaked face. Roku batted at him with his big front paws, but Quatre avoided them easily. He washed the little cub's face thoroughly, and then washed his paws for good measure. "There, that's better." He released Roku and the cub bounded away. Then he dashed back and licked Quatre's face.

"Mama!" Roku said.

All five pilots stared at him, dumbfounded.

"Did that cub just talk?" Duo asked no one in particular.

Roku looked at him. "Papa!"

"Holy shit!" Duo exclaimed.

Roku looked at each of the others in turn. "Papa!"

Wu-Fei dropped his katana with a clatter.

"Papa!"

Trowa sank to his knees.

"Papa!"

Heero just stared.

Roku turned back to Quatre. He licked Quatre's face again and then rolled onto his back, sticking his paws up into the air. "Rub belly?" he suggested with a hopeful grin.

"Well, I'll be damned!" Duo said. "I guess the kid is human. Sort of."

Quatre began to rub Roku's belly with a shocked look on his face. Roku closed his eyes and purred.

"I think…" Quatre started and seemed to lose his train of thought. He tried again. "I think maybe we should talk to Merlin."

"Has he stopped avoiding us yet?" Heero asked.

"We'll corner him," Trowa said. "I think he owes us a few dozen explanations right now."

"You got that right," Duo agreed.

Merlin looked a little wild-eyed when they surrounded him at dinner. Quatre was carrying Roku, mostly to keep him from chasing the dogs. Roku managed to terrorize them anyway by snarling at any dog foolish enough to wander too close.

"Merlin," Quatre said, "Roku can talk."

"What's that?" Merlin looked like he was trying to escape.

They closed in tighter around him.

"I said Roku can talk."

"Oh… Well… That's quite something, isn't it?" Merlin managed a weak grin.

"We want an explanation!" demanded Duo. "You never did explain why you thought he was human when he looks like a tiger."

"Well, you see, um, I think…" Merlin trailed off.

"Out with it, old man," Wu-Fei leaned toward him threateningly.

Merlin looked decidedly worried. "I think perhaps he's both."

"Both?" Heero said flatly.

"Yes. You see, the child was definitely conceived as a human being. But he was delivered in the form of a tiger. I do believe that if he wished to, the child could change into human form." Merlin stroked his fingers through his beard, making it stick out in all directions. "I think he would be equally comfortable in either form." He favored them with a sickly smile. "So there you have it! Now I think I'll just go back to my tower…" He tried to slide out of the circle they'd formed around him, but the five would have none of it.

"You're hiding something," Wu-Fei growled.

"I agree," said Heero. "There's something else." He clamped a hand firmly on Merlin's elbow.

Merlin looked around at them a little desperately. "Well… I sense that… Oh dear!" He licked his lips. "I sense that the child is a natural wizard. No doubt it is an unfortunate side effect of the magical nature of his existence. He could be very dangerous." He looked at Roku and Roku looked back at him.

"Silly man!" Roku said.

Merlin's eyes went completely round.

Roku stuck out his tongue and chuckled. Then he looked at Quatre. "Roku chase dogs?" he asked hopefully.

"Just don't catch any." Quatre dropped him onto his paws and Roku took off after the nearest dog, snarling enthusiastically. The dog took off with a terrified howl. Servants all through the hall began dropping dishes, squealing with fright and leaping onto tables.

"That might not have been a good idea," Trowa said calmly.

"Perhaps not," agreed Quatre.

"I'll go get him," said Duo and he trotted off after Roku.

Merlin took the opportunity of a break in their circle to make a run for it. They let him o.

"Do you really think Roku is dangerous?" Quatre asked.

"Yes, but not in the way Merlin meant," Heero answered. He nodded toward the complete shambles Roku had made of the hall in less than ten seconds. Something almost like a smile touched his lips. "He certainly does liven the place up." Then he frowned. "Oh, great! It's those damn Frenchmen. I'll see you guys later. Bring me something to eat, will you?" Heero stalked from the hall.

The other three looked in the direction Heero had been looking. A dozen French knights swaggered into the room, looking down their noses at the mess.

"I do pray zees ees not teepical of ze English dining," said one particularly arrogant looking knight. He was easily as tall and broad-shouldered as Lancelot, and carried himself with the same self-confident air.

Borridin stepped up beside them and clapped Wu-Fei on the shoulder. "That would be the infamous Jean-Pierre Galvoisin de Croix Vert. Arrogant bastard, isn't he?" He grinned wolfishly at Wu-Fei. "I bet you could pick him apart with that pig-sticker of yours, although it might be more fun if you set his trousers on fire."

"I'm not starting any fires," Wu-Fei grumbled. "But if he gives me an excuse, I'll be happy to show him the effect of folded, cold-hammered steel on his flimsy armor."

"That's my good lad!" Borridin exclaimed and he pounded Wu-Fei on the shoulder. "Let's get something to eat before the dogs have it all, eh?"

Duo came back with Roku draped over his shoulder.

"You didn't bite any of the dogs, did you, Roku?" Quatre asked sternly.

"No, Mama."

"Good." Quatre lifted him off Duo's shoulder. "You'd better stay with me. I think you've terrified the servants enough for one night."

Roku chuckled.

"So, Fei," Duo asked. "What are you doing after dinner?"

Wu-Fei looked around and then leaned over to whisper, "I was thinking of taking a bath."

"Can I join you?" Duo whispered back. "I think I need my back scrubbed."

Wu-Fei's eyes lit up. "I'd be happy to scrub your backside for you."

"I said MY BACK," Duo said dryly.

Wu-Fei grinned. "I heard you. I wonder if we could get Heero to scrub mine at the same time?"

"Let's ask him. We can hold his dinner hostage."

Quatre rolled his eyes. "Could you please not plan your little trysts in front of the child?"

"He's not listening," Duo said.

Roku stuck out his tongue. "Papa naughty."

Duo flushed. "I liked it better when you didn't talk!"

Roku chuckled

Duo lifted his chin in the air. "Let's get some food and go eat with Heero." He stalked off haughtily. Wu-Fei scratched Roku under the chin and followed him.

Trowa smiled. "We're all going to have to be a little more discreet, I suppose." He petted Roku. "Do you mind if I go to? My troupe's performing tonight. We have a new routine, now that our tiger act is finished."

"Go ahead," Quatre said. "We'll watch. Roku hasn't seen Papa Trowa's troupe perform yet."

Quatre and Roku sat at a table with Percival, Borridin and some other knights, all of whom, except for Percival, were exchanging clever insults with the French knights seated at a table nearby.

Trowa's tumblers performed amazing acts of balance and skill, using a springboard to leap up onto increasingly taller piles of chairs and tables, carefully balanced one on top of the other and all held in the air by one man with a wooden plate strapped to the top of his head. It was quite spectacular and drew wild applause, even from the French knights who were trying very hard not to be impressed.

During a break in the performance, Jean-Pierre rose from his table and strolled casually over to the one occupied by Quatre and the others. Roku growled deep in his throat as the knight approached.

"Are you ze sorcerer known as Quatre?" He smiled ingratiatingly. "Sir Lancelot has spoken of you weeth great affection." He leaned over and put his hand under Quatre's chin. "Perhaps you would enjoy an evening of my company? I am easily as skilled as Sir Lancelot in all ways." His grin became a suggestive leer.

Roku's growl got louder.

Quatre glared. "I have no interest in spending any time at all with you, _Monsieur_." He jerked his head away.

Jean-Pierre laughed. "You would prefer the company of one of these _cochons_? They are not men, they are _lapins_!" He laughed uproariously, as did his countrymen.

"Oh you think so?" Quatre growled. "_Vos imperiti transformare cuniculus!_" he muttered under his breath.

Jean-Pierre shimmered blue for a second and then dissolved into a fluffy little bunny rabbit with a puffy white tail. The laughing Frenchmen cut off in mid-guffaw. The bunny's little pink nose wiggled in shock. Roku launched himself off the bench with a roar. The bunny shrieked and dashed away. The other Frenchmen leaped up and raced after the terrified bunny, which dodged under tables and between legs as Roku leaped after it.

The English knights were laughing so hard that a few wet themselves.

"Master Quatre," Percival said worriedly, "you must call off your son at once and reverse the spell! This is most unseemly."

"Oh let the tyke have a little fun, Percival!" Borridin gasped out. "He's a good lad, I'm sure he won't actually eat _Monsieur_ Galvoisin de Croix Vert!"

A high-pitched squeal announced the end of the chase. Roku pinned the bunny between his two front paws. The bunny squirmed and wriggled, squealing in terror, dropping dozens of little rabbit pellets and wetting the floor.

Several of the French knights drew their knives as they closed on Roku.

"STOP WHERE YOU ARE!" Quatre thundered.

The knights stopped as though stunned.

"Unless you would all like to join your companion as tiny little bunny rabbits, you will return to your seats at once!"

The knights stared at him.

Quatre started muttering under his breath.

They stampeded back for their table, tripping over each other as they each struggled to be the first to sit down.

"That's better. Roku, bring the stupid thing here."

Roku picked up the now limp bunny between his jaws and trotted back to Quatre. The bunny looked dead. Quatre took it from Roku, looked at it for a minute and then dropped it on the floor. The bunny shimmered back into Jean-Pierre Galvoisin de Croix Vert, whose trousers were rather badly soiled. He was trembling violently.

"Oh, get up!" Quatre snapped irritably. "You're not hurt."

Jean-Pierre stared at him.

"A great big knight like you scared of a little tiger cub!" Quatre rolled his eyes. "What will people say? Come on Roku, it's time for bed." He scooped the cub up in his arms and marched from the room.

Borridin finally managed to catch his breath. "I hope you haven't had your fall bath yet, Galvoisin! Looks to me like you could use one!"


	12. It's All Under Control

**Hikaru Itsuko**: Well, now, I don't want to give away the whole plot, but little Roku does have some human in him, after all!

**Ryua Malfoy**: I like the dragon, too. He may turn up again. And yes, you may draw a picture of Roku and post it on-line. Let me know when you do so I can go look at it!

**Wolfkun**: Oh, there's more than just some Duo in young Roku! Heh-heh-heh!

**ZmajGoddess**: Hurray! I got a ROTFLMAO! The goal of every comedy writer!

**KuroTsubasaNoTenshi**: Ooh! I will take love, pocky and yaoi every time!

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Chapter 12: It's All Under Control

Wu-Fei marched into the suite with a stack of books in his arms. He dropped them on the floor in front of the startled Roku, who was grooming himself.

"Since you can talk," Wu-Fei announced, "it's time for you to learn to read."

Roku stopped in mid-lick. "Mrowr?"

"None of that 'mrowr' stuff!" Wu-Fei ordered. "From now on, it's the King's English for you." He sat down cross-legged next to Roku and opened the first book. "Let's read!"

"What's this?" Quatre asked when he returned from Merlin's study.

"Reading lessons," Wu-Fei said. "He's picking it up really fast." He rubbed Roku's ears. "Roku's a bright little fellow."

Roku purred happily.

"Of course he is!" said Quatre. "Who's his mama, after all?"

"Mama!" Roku squealed. He jumped to his feet and bumped up against Quatre's legs, purring loudly.

"That's my little sweetie!" Quatre cooed, petting Roku's side.

Wu-Fei smiled. "All right, you, back to work." He tugged on Roku's tail.

Roku chuckled and settled back down beside the book.

"How does he turn the pages?" Quatre asked.

"Like this!" Roku exclaimed and he pressed his tongue against the edge of the page and scraped it over.

"He hardly gets any slobber on it," noted Wu-Fei.

Roku looked indignant. "I don't slobber!"

Quatre and Wu-Fei both laughed.

When Trowa arrived and found the lesson in progress, he took Quatre aside.

"May I speak with you in private for a moment, Quatre?"

"Of course."

Trowa led Quatre to his room. Once he had the door closed behind them, he turned to Quatre with a slightly strained look on his face.

"Quatre, now that Roku's so much bigger, I was wondering if you meant what you said about… ah… not having anyone but me?"

Quatre smiled slightly. "Yes, I meant it."

"Well, has it been long enough? Since he was born, I mean?"

Quatre's smile widened. "I'm not a woman anymore. It's not like you'd be, uh, stressing the same places."

Trowa groaned. "Dammit, Quatre! I'm practically in pain here! I've been waiting for you to be ready. Yes or no?"

"Yes, of course!" Quatre put his arms around Trowa's neck.

"Thank god!" Trowa embraced him and pulled him to the bed.

Quatre giggled. "My goodness! You are ready, aren't you?"

"Shut up and kiss me!"

In the living room, Roku glanced at Trowa's closed bedroom door. "Mama and Papa Trowa are being naughty."

Wu-Fei grinned. "Let's give them some privacy, shall we? Grab that book; we'll go read in the main hall."

"Ok."

Duo found them there later. "Hey, what's this? Is Roku reading already?"

"He certainly is."

"That's cool." Duo scratched Roku's ears. "Say, Fei, have you seen that second pair of silk undies of mine?"

"The pale yellow ones?"

"No, the pale blue ones."

"No, I haven't seen them."

"Well damn! I can't find them anywhere. Where the hell did I leave them?"

_Under the bed where the tiger sleeps._

"What did you say?" asked Duo.

"I didn't say anything," said Wu-Fei.

"Roku?"

"Not me."

_It was I who spoke, the finder of things._

"Did you hear that?" Duo looked a little wild-eyed.

"I didn't hear anything."

"Me neither," said Roku.

_They cannot hear me. Only the Master of the Jeweled Knife can hear me._

Duo snatched the jewel-encrusted knife from its sheath at his waist and stared at it. "Are you talking to me?"

_I am._

Duo paled. "Oh shit!"

Wu-Fei looked up from the book. "What's the matter?"

"The damn knife is talking to me!"

"No kidding? Telepathy?"

Roku's ears perked up.

"Oh great!" Duo exclaimed. "I'm hearing voices in my head!"

"I always knew you were nuts," Heero remarked from behind him.

Duo whirled around. "This is no joking matter!"

"So what did the knife say?" Wu-Fei asked.

"It said my underwear is under Quatre's bed." Duo frowned. "But that doesn't make any sense. I haven't been in Quatre's room since he got changed back and I know I've worn those undies since then."

"Ask him," Heero pointed his chin at Roku, and Roku looked guilty.

Duo frowned at him suspiciously. "Did you swipe my silk underwear?"

"Um…" said Roku.

"You did, you little kleptomaniac!"

"I wasn't going to keep them."

"Your Mama is going to hear about this, you little thief! You better not have snagged them!" Duo stormed off in a huff.

Roku looked at Wu-Fei. "Should we have told him what Mama and Papa Trowa are doing?"

Wu-Fei grinned. "He'll find out."

"But Papa Trowa will be angry. He wants to be alone with Mama."

Heero grunted. "I'll go stop him." He jogged off after Duo.

At dinner that night, Trowa looked quite content and Quatre looked tired. Roku insisted on sitting in Quatre's lap while they ate.

"You're getting too big for this," Quatre grunted. "I can't even see my food."

"It's by your right hand," Roku offered helpfully.

"Oh, thanks!" Quatre replied sarcastically. "This would be a whole lot easier if you would just sit on the bench."

Roku just snuffled as he gulped down a pile of raw meat.

Wu-Fei smiled. "He's just feeling a little possessive, that's all. He's still a little young to not be the undivided center of his mama's attention."

"I'm not a baby!" Roku huffed.

"Then get out of my lap, you giant thing!" Quatre demanded.

Roku nosed his trencher off to one side and moved his front paws, but he kept his butt firmly planted in Quatre's lap.

"Geez!" Quatre exclaimed.

"You can see your food now," Trowa remarked.

Quatre gave him a look.

Wu-Fei reached behind himself to scratch his back. "Where's Heero?"

"He was helping Borridin and some of the others get the lists ready for the joust," said Duo. "Now that Jean-Pierre's gotten over his trauma, those Frenchmen are eager to get their revenge. Heero should be along soon. They were almost done when I came in."

"I wouldn't have thought there was much to do," said Quatre. "The stands and everything are permanent."

"Yeah, but they weed and rake the grounds, fix cracked fence posts, pile up a bunch of lances, that sort of thing."

"Oh."

"Can Roku watch?" asked Roku.

"May I watch," Wu-Fei corrected.

"May I watch?" Roku repeated.

"Of course," said Quatre, "but you'll be way up in the stands with me so you can't scare the horses."

"Or Jean-Pierre," snickered Duo.

Roku chuckled and everyone laughed.

Wu-Fei scratched his back again.

"Have you got fleas or something, Fei?" asked Duo. "You keep scratching."

"Don't say fleas!" Wu-Fei groaned. "But I don't think so. I think my skin's just dry."

"What you need is a generous application of warm bath oil. We never did get to that last night with Heero being in such a mood."

"That's true." Wu-Fei scratched again. "Let's go right after dinner, this is really starting to bug me."

"Look, it's Merlin." Trowa nodded toward the white-haired wizard. "Why do you suppose he's staring at us?"

"He's probably waiting for Roku to transform into a hippogriff and slaughter everyone," Quatre grumbled.

"What's a hippogriff?" Roku asked.

"I'll show you later," Wu-Fei said. "I think there's a picture in one of our books."

"Hey, he's coming over," said Duo.

Merlin approached them with a thoughtful look. "Good evening, gentlemen."

They returned his greeting.

"I confess I am curious about something," he began. "You know I am familiar with many languages. Well, ever since your, ah, tiger, was born, I have puzzled over your choice of his name." He studied them inquisitively. "I have the distinct impression that you gentlemen are, well, numbered, and that you named Roku to continue the sequence."

The four pilots exchanged glances.

"It's an odd sort of coincidence, isn't it?" Duo said, trying to sound casual. He looked sheepish. So did the others.

"Has this something to do with the place from which you hail?"

"You might say that," Trowa said quickly.

"Hmm…" Merlin rubbed his chin. "Very curious." He tottered off toward Arthur's table.

Roku twisted around to look at Quatre. "Am I a number, Mama?"

"No." Quatre pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and began wiping Roku's face. "You're a messy little tiger who weighs a lot."

Roku caught the handkerchief between his teeth with a growl and yanked it away.

"Give me that!"

Roku flicked it over his shoulder and it disappeared.

Quatre frowned sternly. "All right, young man, where did it go?"

Roku grinned. "I put it where Papa Heero showed me. Like where he keeps his extra weapons."

They all stared at him.

"Damn!" muttered Duo. "I've never figured out how Heero does that."

"Like this!" Roku stuck his head under his right front leg and produced Quatre's handkerchief.

"He makes it look so easy!" Duo complained. "What else you got in there?"

"Just stuff."

"None of it better be mine!" Duo said sharply.

Roku just grinned.

"Damned thief!"

"Where do you think he gets it from, Papa Duo?" Wu-Fei said with a laugh. Then he shifted uncomfortably and scratched his back again. "Damn, this is irritating! Are you done, Duo?"

"Yeah." He frowned at Roku. "I want to go check my stuff anyway."

Wu-Fei and Duo returned to the suite.

"Argh!" Wu-Fei pulled off his shirt as soon as they entered the living room. "My back really itches!"

"Hold still, I'll scratch it," Duo said. He stepped behind Wu-Fei. "Whoa!"

"What is it?"

"Umm…"

"What!"

"You seem to have, well, uh…"

"Duo!"

"Well, it looks like you're growing scales."

"Scales!"

"Yeah, dragon scales. They're kind of pretty."

"I have scales?" Wu-Fei cried in a choked voice.

"They're small." Duo ran his fingers down Wu-Fei's spine. "They're kind of light green along here, and then they turn gold up here." He brushed his fingers across Wu-Fei's shoulder blades.

"How… how far do they spread?"

"Not far. They start right here in the small of your back and flare out a little as they go up. Then they spread out over your shoulder blades. It actually looks like a really good tattoo."

"Oh, great!" Wu-Fei shuddered. "So scratch it. Maybe they'll come off."

Duo scratched. "How does that feel?"

"Better."

"They're not coming off."

"That bloody dragon! He knew this would happen!"

"It's weird. They feel hard when I push on them, but they're really smooth when I slide my fingers over them. They almost feel soft."

"That doesn't make me feel any better."

"Let's take that bath. I bet the oil will help."

They went into Wu-Fei's room. The tub was full of water.

"God bless that maid," Wu-Fei said. "I only asked her once about putting fresh water in the tub." He leaned over the water, sniffed once and then blasted it with a steady stream of bright golden flame. Steam rose off the water.

"Better stir it a few times," Duo advised.

"Yeah." Wu-Fei stuck an arm in the water and swirled it around. "Maybe a little hotter." He breathed fire on the water again.

"You gotta admit, it's mighty convenient being able to keep the water warm."

"I suppose, but these draconic features are starting to worry me."

"Hey!" Duo exclaimed in sudden excitement. "What if you grow wings? That would be pretty cool."

Wu-Fei glared at him.

They stripped and climbed into the tub. Duo's bath oil was sitting on the floor nearby. He poured a generous amount into his palm and smeared it over the scales on Wu-Fei's back.

"Oooooo…" Wu-Fei breathed. "I'm in heaven."

"I wonder if they'll need oil regularly, or is it just because they're new?" Duo speculated. "Do you suppose you'll shed and grow new ones?"

"I'm glad you're enjoying this." Wu-Fei did not sound glad.

Duo started on Wu-Fei's shoulders and worked his way down his back. Way down.

"I thought you said the scales stopped at the small of my back," Wu-Fei remarked.

"I did."

"So the oil you're currently rubbing on my ass is for…?"

"Entertainment."

"I see."

"I was thinking of using my chest to rub the oil thoroughly around on your back. I think it will feel really good."

"Pervert."

"That's Heero's line." Duo snuggled up against him.

"Um, well, that does sort of feel pretty good."

"I can make it better."

Heero found them later, still in the tub. "You guys have been in there since dinner? You must be prunes."

"But we're well-oiled, not itchy prunes," Wu-Fei assured him.

"I should think not, with all that rubbing up and down you're doing."

"Come look!" said Duo. "Wu-Fei grew dragon scales."

"No kidding?" Heero leaned over to take a good look. "That's neat. Do they deflect knife blades?"

"Leave it to Heero to think of that!" Duo laughed. "Didn't you notice how pretty it looks?"

"I guess it's kind of pretty," Heero said off-handedly. "But stopping a knife blade seems more useful." He started to undress. "May I join you? I feel a little grubby."

Duo's eyes lit up. "Absolutely!"

Wu-Fei grinned. "My back does still itch a little bit."

Heero rolled his eyes. "Oh, geez! Who's first, then?"

"Me!" Duo and Wu-Fei cried in unison.


	13. Little Boy Found

**Precognition74**: You get to see Heero's accomplishments in _this_ chapter!

**Burned Vamp**: I did sort of drop Lancelot out of the story. These things happen.

**lil' devil 2004**: This chapter kind of starts to hint at who Roku's father might be. Sort of. Ok, not really.

**Ryua Malfoy**: In case you didn't see my review over at mediaminer… I LOVE THAT PICTURE! May I use it for my wallpaper?

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Chapter 13: Little Boy Found

Roku dashed ahead of the five pilots, raced backed to them, and then dashed ahead again, causing consternation among the gathering crowds.

"Shouldn't you carry him, Quatre?" Trowa asked.

"You carry him!" Quatre replied. "He weighs a ton. Anyway, he's too excited. Remember, he's never been out of the castle before."

"True."

Roku dashed back to them. "Mama! Look at all the people!"

"Yes, dear. Try not to scare them."

"I won't!" Roku bounded off, causing three ladies to faint and a gaggle of geese to scatter.

"Perhaps we need to define 'scare' for him," Heero said dryly.

"He'll calm down eventually."

"When do you come up in the joust, Heero?" Wu-Fei asked.

"I'm in the second flight."

"There are just two flights, right?"

"Yup."

"How long before you get to impale Jean-Pierre?" Duo asked cheerfully. He was munching on an apple and juggling two more.

"Most likely we won't meet until the final round." Heero looked aggrieved. "But I promised Arthur I wouldn't kill him."

"Well, damn!" Duo exclaimed. "I was looking forward to all the blood spurting and stuff."

"Is Lancelot competing?" asked Wu-Fei.

"No," Heero said. "He chose not to compete against his countrymen. That's why he wasn't with us in London, either." He stuck some fingers under the shoulder buckle of his armor and scratched. "Seems foolish to me. If he's part of Arthur's court, he should ride for England. I'm not English, but you don't see that stopping me."

"Oh, sure! Like you'd pass up a chance to poke holes in people with a sharp stick, whatever the reason!" snorted Duo.

Heero glared at him.

There was a sudden outburst of shrieking and people began scattering from the entrance to the lists. Trowa glanced at Quatre and lifted an eyebrow. Quatre rolled his eyes.

"Roku!" Quatre called.

Roku appeared from out of the confusion and raced toward them.

"Yes, Mama?"

"You seem to be causing a commotion."

Roku hung his head. "I'm sorry."

"Hey, that's all right." Duo rubbed Roku's ears. "I see a booth selling meat sticks. Let's get some food."

Roku immediately perked up. "Ok!"

Duo and Roku trotted off.

"No wonder he's so heavy," Quatre grumbled.

"He's not fat, though," said Wu-Fei. "And he's really well coordinated. I caught him walking on just his front paws the other day."

"Was that before or after he walked on the railing around the practice yard?" asked Heero.

"During."

Heero, Quatre and Wu-Fei looked at Trowa.

Trowa held up his hands defensively. "I didn't teach him that," he said.

"He's picking it up somewhere, Papa Trowa," Quatre said.

Trowa looked guilty. "Well, I might have done some tightrope walking in front of him."

"Sheesh!"

"It's not my fault!"

Duo and Roku returned with several meat sticks. Roku was licking his chops. He rubbed against Quatre's legs.

"Yummy!" Roku said.

"And it's not all over your face, for a change," Quatre laughed.

Roku huffed.

"We'd better get seats," Wu-Fei said. "I think the first flight is about to start."

The first flight went off with only a few injuries and no casualties. Then the second flight started and it was Heero's turn.

"Apparently, Arthur's failure to prohibit maiming left Heero with too much latitude," surmised Wu-Fei.

"I don't know," said Duo, "I don't think that knight will lose that arm."

"It's broken in at least three places."

"Looks like four to me," said Trowa.

"Yes, it does," agreed Quatre.

"Papa Heero is good at jousting!" Roku said excitedly.

"Papa Heero is good at everything," Duo assured him.

"Even at being naughty?" Roku asked slyly.

"Especially at being naughty."

"Duo!" Quatre exclaimed. "I will thank you not to corrupt my innocent child."

Duo grinned. "Yes, Mama."

Roku chuckled. "When will it be Papa Heero's turn again?"

"After they complete this flight. Then they'll start a new round."

"Oh, look. It's Jean-Pierre's turn." Wu-Fei pointed at the knight taking position at the right hand side of the course.

"Shouldn't his standard be a rabbit instead of a unicorn?" Trowa asked with a straight face.

Quatre flushed and the others laughed.

Jean-Pierre made quick work of his opponent, unhorsing him in the first pass. He lifted his visor so everyone could see his arrogant smile.

"Well done, _Monsieur Lapin_!" someone shouted.

Jean-Pierre slammed his visor shut, but not before everyone saw his face flush with anger and humiliation. The crowd roared with laughter.

The match continued to its inevitable conclusion of a final round between Heero and Jean-Pierre. Betting was intense and diverse. Duo hurried off to place a few bets of his own.

"I assume you bet on Heero to win," Wu-Fei asked when Duo returned.

"Of course," Duo assured him. "I placed several, because the odds were too good to pass up. Some fool was offering 5-to-1 that Heero wouldn't unhorse him on the first pass. Another idiot was offering 3-to-1 that no blood would be drawn." Duo rubbed his hands together and chuckled gleefully. "I just hope Heero comes through for me."

Jean-Pierre and Heero lined up in the lists. The start was called and they spurred their horses forward. Their lances dropped down like falling trees, aimed across the fence at each other.

"Doesn't it look like Jean-Pierre is holding his elbow a little low?" asked Wu-Fei.

"It certainly does," Trowa agreed.

"He's aiming at Heero's head!" Quatre declared angrily.

Roku growled.

Heero held his elbow high, his lance tip aimed squarely at the center of Jean-Pierre's shield. At the last instant, he thrust his arm forward, raised his shield and twisted to the side. Jean-Pierre's lance glanced off Heero's shield and slid harmlessly past him. Heero's lance landed squarely in the center of Jean-Pierre's shield. The force of the blow cracked the shield in two and lifted Jean-Pierre right out of his stirrups, clear over the rump of his horse. He landed flat on his back with a piece of Heero's broken lance jabbed through his left forearm.

The crowd erupted into cheers, with none as loud as Duo.

"Oh, that man's getting lucky tonight!" Duo crowed. "Money! Money! Here I come!" He dashed off to collect his winnings.

Roku was bouncing up and down. "Mama, I want to go congratulate Papa Heero!"

"All right." Quatre picked Roku up with a grunt and set off down the steps. Trowa and Wu-Fei followed him.

Jean-Pierre was just being carried off the field when they reached Heero.

"He's not dead is he?" asked Trowa.

"No," Heero growled, "even though the bastard tried to kill me."

"We saw that," said Wu-Fei. "We admire your restraint."

Duo appeared, gleefully dangling a well-stuffed purse. "Heero, my friend, choose your reward! I have gold in here with your name on it."

Heero looked thoughtful. "There is this sword I've had my eye on."

"It's yours!" Duo declared. "We'll go shopping tomorrow. Now, let's go eat. I'm starved!"

There was a banquet scheduled for after the joust, followed by dancing. As the tournament champion, Heero was expected to attend, but he clearly wasn't happy about it. He was surrounded by court ladies, who ooh'd and aah'd and fawned all over him.

"Heero's missing an opportunity there," Trowa remarked. "I don't think those ladies could make their offers any more plain."

"They better not wear him out," Duo grumbled. "He owes me."

"I don't think you need to worry about that," said Trowa. "It doesn't look like he's planning on accepting."

"It looks more like he's planning to strangle someone," Quatre said.

"I think the ladies look pretty," said Roku. "Like flowers! And their dresses make ruffly noises."

Duo grinned suddenly. "Roku, why don't you go over there and pay the ladies a compliment?"

"Ok!" Roku hopped off the bench and trotted over to Heero.

"That was unkind, Duo," Wu-Fei said.

Several of the ladies backed away with startled cries as Roku shoved his way between their legs.

"Heero doesn't think so," Duo replied archly.

Heero hauled Roku up into his lap. Most of the ladies kept their distance, but a few brave souls offered Roku pats on the head, which he cheerfully accepted. Then Roku said something and they all backed away. A few looked as if they might faint. With a grin, Heero rose and carried Roku back to the others.

"Thank you, whoever's idea it was to send Roku over," Heero said.

"You're welcome!" Duo replied with a grin. "Those ladies will just have to accept that I thought of being naughty with you first!"

Quatre frowned at Duo and shook his head. "Roku, whatever did you say to those ladies to make them scatter like that?"

"I said they smelled good enough to eat."

Quatre groaned and put a hand over his face.

Roku looked confused. "Was that bad? The knights say it to the ladies all the time."

Duo laughed and Quatre glared at him.

"As if your influence wasn't bad enough!" Quatre complained.

"It sounds a little different coming from a tiger than from a grown man, Roku," Wu-Fei said. "But don't worry about it. We know you didn't mean any harm."

The musicians started warming up and servants began moving some of the tables out of the way.

"It looks like the dancing is about to start," Trowa said.

Heero groaned.

"No, you do not get to leave," Quatre ordered.

"I'm not dancing!" Heero growled and he settled back with Roku still in his lap. "Look menacing, Roku."

"Frankly," said Wu-Fei, "I don't think it's possible for Roku to look more dangerous than you do right now."

"Well, I'm going to dance!" Duo announced. "You guys should, too."

"I think I'd rather not," said Wu-Fei.

"I'll dance," said Trowa.

"Me too," added Quatre.

Roku stood up on his hind legs in Heero's lap and put a paw on Heero's shoulder to get a better view. "That looks like fun!"

"Dancing can be quite enjoyable," Wu-Fei agreed.

The dancing went quite late, but long before it was over, Duo, Quatre and Trowa returned to the others.

"Time for bed!" Duo said brightly.

"I don't want to go to bed!" Roku complained. He yawned hugely. "I'm not tired!"

"I can see that," said Quatre. He took Roku out of Heero's lap. "How about if Papa Trowa tells you a story?"

"Ok," Roku agreed sleepily.

Duo pulled Heero to his feet. "I'm still in a celebratory mood." He winked at Wu-Fei "Care to join us?"

"Don't mind if I do."

After breakfast in the morning, Duo and Heero left for the market to check out the sword that interested Heero. Quatre went to look for Merlin and Trowa went out to practice with his troupe. Wu-Fei returned to the suite with Roku to resume their lessons.

"You're reading very well, Roku," Wu-Fei said approvingly.

"Thank you, Papa Wu-Fei."

"Those paws of yours are going to make writing difficult, though, and we should really be starting that."

Roku looked down at his paws.

"I got a slate and some chalk, but I'm not sure how you're going to hold it," Wu-Fei continued. He went to the bookshelf that was holding their ever-growing supply of school materials to retrieve the slate and chalk.

He nearly dropped them when he turned around.

"Wha…?" Wu-Fei stared in consternation.

Seated on the floor where Roku had been was a naked little boy with Quatre's blue eyes. He had black hair, like Wu-Fei and Heero, but it was very long and thick, like Duo's. His mouth and chin also had something of Duo's impish look about them, but his nose might as well have come off Trowa's face. His body had a compact, muscular build, like Heero's, but he was slimmer, more like Trowa. And he had graceful, long-fingered hands like Wu-Fei's. His little bare feet looked like Quatre's.

Wu-Fei closed his mouth, licked his lips, and tried again. "Wha…?"

The little boy grinned and held up his hands. "Will these work?" he said in Roku's voice.

"Roku?" Wu-Fei managed faintly.

Roku nodded, still grinning. He was a very cute little boy.

Wu-Fei drew in a long, ragged breath. "O…k…" He stumbled over and sank down next to Roku. "I'm… a little… surprised."

Roku looked at himself. "Do I look funny?"

"No, not at all," Wu-Fei shook his head. "I guess Merlin was right. But why haven't you changed before?"

"I didn't need to. Besides, I like being a tiger."

"I see." Wu-Fei made an effort to pull himself together. "Well, first of all, we need to get you some clothes. You're a little too old to be running around in the buff. We can use some of my things for now. If we roll up the pant legs and sleeves and tie a rope around the waist, they should fit well enough."

"Ok."

After Roku was dressed, they settled back down to commence a writing lesson.

"Let's start by writing letters," said Wu-Fei. "I'll draw a letter and then you practice it."

Wu-Fei drew an 'A' and handed Roku the chalk. Roku gripped it carefully in his right hand, the way Wu-Fei had held it, and slowly copied the 'A'.

"That looks good," Wu-Fei said. "Why don't you try a few more in different sizes?"

"Ok." Roku leaned over the slate, diligently drawing 'A's. "This is fun," he said, but his little face was serious as he concentrated. He filled up the entire slate.

"All right, let's try some 'B's." Wu-Fei erased the slate with a piece of cloth and drew a 'B'.

And so it went as they worked their way through the alphabet.

Heero and Duo ran into Trowa in the courtyard on their way back from town.

"Did you buy that sword?" Trowa asked.

"Yes," Heero said, "but I wanted it sharpened and the handle re-wrapped. We'll pick it up tomorrow."

"I'm hungry," Duo announced. "Let's pick up Fei and Roku and get something to eat."

"Sounds good," agreed Trowa.

The three entered the castle. They ran into Quatre in the passageway to their suite.

"Good timing, Quatre," Duo said. "It's lunch time."

"I know. That's why I came down."

"How's Merlin?" Heero asked. "He's not still asking questions about our past is he?"

"He is, but I don't answer them. Whenever he tries, I just start asking him questions about Roku. That usually shuts him up." Quatre grinned. "He really is afraid of my little baby."

"That's funny," said Duo. "When you first found out you were pregnant, you didn't want the baby and Merlin did. Now it's just the opposite."

"Well, who knew my little Roku would be such a sweetie."

Quatre opened the door to the suite and stopped dead in his tracks. The other three collided with him. They peered past him to see what had stopped him.

"Who the hell is that?" Duo exclaimed.

"It's me!" Roku cried, and he held up the slate with 'ROKU' printed on it in big neat letters. "I wrote my name!"

"I'll be damned!" Duo said.

Heero, who was in back, shoved the other three into the suite and shut the door. "So you are human after all."

"Yup!" Roku jumped up with a wide grin and flung his arms around Quatre's waist. "Mama!"

Quatre, still looking stunned, put his arms around his little boy.

"That is one cute kid," Duo remarked.

"I'll say," Trowa agreed.

Quatre finally pushed Roku back a little bit so he could get a good look at him. He dropped down onto his knees. "You know what? You look exactly like I thought you would."

Roku smiled happily. "But I like being a tiger," he said.

"You can be a tiger if you want to, but I wouldn't mind seeing you like this every now and then."

"I need to for lessons," Roku explained. He held up his hands and wiggled his fingers. "I couldn't hold the chalk."

"That makes sense."

Quatre studied Roku carefully. Then he looked at each of the others. "Well, Papas, it looks like we still may have to wait for that DNA test."

There were nods all around.

"No matter," Duo said finally. "It's lunch time. You going like that Roku?"

For answer, Roku shimmered back into a tiger. "I don't want to confuse people."

"You're very thoughtful, Roku," Wu-Fei said.

"Hah!" Duo said. "He just likes it when they faint."

Roku chuckled.


	14. Oops! We did it Again!

**To my loyal readers**: Does it seem like I'm running out of ideas? No? Well, I'm not, but we're about to make a change. The boys have been a little rough on Arthur's court. So, expect changes by the end of the chapter. But don't throw anything!

o-o-o-o-o-o-

Chapter 14: Oops! We did it Again!

"Do you suppose we should tell Merlin that Roku shape-shifted?" Trowa asked over lunch.

The six of them were sitting by themselves at a table in the main hall.

"Probably not," said Quatre. "He's freaked out enough as it is. If he learns Roku has started practicing magic, he'll be convinced that mass destruction of all life as he knows it is not far behind."

Roku lashed his tail. "I'm not dangerous!"

"Of course not, sweetie!" Quatre assured him. "But Merlin doesn't know you as well as we do." Quatre patted him and Roku snuggled his head under Quatre's chin. He was not completely sitting in Quatre's lap this time. He just had one paw resting on Quatre's thigh while he ate. "Now try to get more food in your mouth and less on your face."

"Um-hmm," Roku mumbled as he gulped down his usual trencher of raw meat.

Quatre shook his head. "You're getting a bath tonight."

Roku's head popped up. "Really! Oh, goody!" Then he jammed his face back into his food.

"It's a good thing tiger's like water," Trowa remarked.

"Isn't it though?" Quatre smiled sweetly at Trowa. "You're helping."

"I am? I'll lay out a change of clothes, then. It seems like every time I help bathe Roku, I end up with more water on me than he does."

"He does splash about a bit," Quatre agreed.

"A bit?"

Quatre just smiled.

There was a commotion in the doorway and several French knights swaggered into the hall, rudely shouldering aside lower ranking castle citizens on their way in to dine. One of the knights spotted Heero and pointed, speaking loudly to his comrades at the same time.

"There eez that English so-called knight, Heero Yuy."

Duo stood up with a growl. "That's Sir Heero to you, Frenchie!" he shouted. "Show some respect for your superiors!"

"Superiors!" the knight sputtered, his face flushed with outrage. "No English knight eez the equal of the least knight in France!"

"Is that so?" Borridin spoke from behind the Frenchmen in a slow drawl. "Would you be that least knight I'm no better than?" The burly Englishman was calmly trimming his fingernails with his dagger.

The French knight paled slightly and licked his lips. "You misunderstand me, Sir! I was speaking only of that knight." He gestured toward Heero with a hand that might have been shaking.

Duo grinned. "Well, now, the amusing thing there, my friend, is Sir Heero ain't English. So you've gone and insulted your hosts for no reason."

Borridin pointed casually with his dagger. "And it seems to me that young Heero defeated you lot fair and square as well, so you're poor losers on top of it."

Several of the French knights were now flush-faced with anger and embarrassment. One of them whispered something to the others and nodded his head toward the door. Borridin watched with amusement as they retreated out of the hall, then he made his way over to Heero and the others.

"Damned idiots!" he boomed good-naturedly. "They should just go home, but Galvoisin can't travel yet. Seems he cracked his tailbone when Sir Heero dumped him on his ass." Borridon clapped Heero on the shoulder. "He won't be able to sit a horse for months! He was better off wrestling your little cub as a bunny." Borridon rubbed Roku's ears.

Roku chuckled.

"However, it might be best if you steer clear of that lot until they leave," Borridon continued. "Arthur would like to avoid any more trouble."

"Believe me, I would like nothing better than to never see any of them again," Heero said with feeling. "I think I'll just stay in the suite until we go into town tomorrow."

"I'll keep you company," Duo said with a grin.

Quatre rolled his eyes.

"It looks like we're studying in the hall again, Roku," Wu-Fei said.

"Are they going to be naughty?"

Quatre glared at Duo. "You are a bad influence!"

"Do we have to study, Papa Wu-Fei? I want to watch Papa Trowa do tumbling."

"Well, we did get a lot done this morning. I suppose it's all right to take the rest of the day off."

"Goody!" Roku leaped off the bench. "Let's go before Mama tries to wash my face!" He galloped toward the exit.

Quatre glared at Trowa. "You're not planning to teach him anything, I hope."

"Of course not." Trowa tried to look innocent.

Quatre wasn't buying it.

"Don't worry! He'll be fine." Trowa hurried after Roku.

Wu-Fei glanced at Heero and Duo. "Well now, it seems like I suddenly don't have anything to do."

"You can help me keep Heero out of trouble," Duo said. He winked at Borridon. "We'll keep him out of the Frenchies' path."

Borridin slapped Duo on the back. "There's a good lad!" He lumbered off to get his lunch.

Duo winced and rolled his shoulders. "That man's congratulations are going to cripple me one of these days. Let's get out of here before he comes back to hand out any more praise."

At breakfast the next morning, Roku demonstrated what he had learned from Trowa the previous afternoon. He walked all the way around their table on a big wooden ball. Then he stopped, rolled backward several turns, rolled forward again, and then balanced on his front paws for several seconds.

Everyone applauded, including Quatre, even though he was frowning pointedly at Trowa.

"I thought you weren't going to teach him anything."

"Well, I happened to mention that you could stand on a ball in your tiger form and he wanted to try it."

"I see."

"It's perfectly safe."

"Of course."

Roku bounded into Quatre's lap. "But I did good, didn't I, Mama?"

Quatre hugged him. "Of course you did, sweetie. Now eat your breakfast."

"Breakfast, dinner, how can you tell the difference?" Duo remarked casually. "It's a pile of raw meat every time."

"I like raw meat," Roku said and he jammed his face into his food.

"He's so refined and delicate the way he gulps his meat down without chewing," Duo noted.

"Yeah, he reminds me of someone," said Heero.

"Hey!"

Heero stood up. "I'm finished. I think I'll head into town to get my new sword."

"Hang on, I'll go with you!" Duo shoveled the last of his food into his mouth and stood up.

"Mama, may I go with Papa Heero, too?" Roku asked excitedly. "I've never been to town!"

"We should continue your writing lessons, Roku," Wu-Fei pointed out.

"But we can have lessons later!" Roku protested. "I'll work twice as hard! Oh, please?"

"All right," Quatre said, "but you have to promise to stay close to Papa Heero and Papa Duo the whole time."

"I promise!" Roku licked Quatre's face and leaped off the bench. "Let's go!" He began dashing in little circles around Heero's legs.

"How am I supposed to walk?" Heero growled, but there was a hint of a smile on his face.

Roku giggled and bounded away toward the exit.

Quatre pulled out his handkerchief to wipe off the slobbery mess Roku had left on his cheek. "You better keep a close eye on him!" he warned.

"He'll be fine, Quatre," Duo said. "We'll take good care of him."

"Perhaps I'll go with them," Wu-Fei said, "just to make sure there is at least one sane head in the group." He rose and followed the other two out of the main hall.

Trowa looked at Quatre. "They seem to have left us alone for the time being."

Quatre lifted an eyebrow. "I was planning to review a spell I've been working on."

"You can do that later, can't you?"

"I suppose."

"Let's go back to my room." Trowa smiled. "I'll speak French."

Quatre grinned. "Will you, now? I might enjoy that."

The two of them returned to the suite.

The others left the castle for town. Roku bounced up and down as he trotted along to keep from racing too far ahead. Nevertheless, every horse they passed looked as if it was about to have a heart attack. They also discovered that at least one local shepherdess could use language that could make Duo blush when Roku inadvertently frightened the herd of sheep she was driving down the road and scattered them in all directions. Feeling responsible, Heero and Duo helped her round them up while Wu-Fei and Roku waited at a discreet distance.

Duo picked Roku up as they got close to town. "There are way too many people and animals here, Roku," he said. "I think it will be safer if I carry you for now."

Roku looked indignant. "Safer for whom?"

"For me!" said Duo. "If something happens to you, Quatre will take my skin off!"

"Oh." Roku looked slightly mollified.

They made their way through town to the blacksmith's shop.

"Greetings, Sir Heero!" the smith called. He was, like most smiths, a burly man with massive arms. "I've completed the work you asked for." He pointed with his hammer toward a sheathed sword hanging on a hook on the wall.

Heero took it down and examined the leather windings on the handle. He gripped it firmly and drew the blade. The sword gleamed brightly in the sunlight. He stepped clear of the others and swung the sword, making a few slow passes and then half a dozen quick sweeps. He nodded in satisfaction. "This will do. Thank you."

"You're welcome, sir, and it's a pleasure doing business with you," the smith replied.

Heero buckled the sword around his waist.

"Let's stop by the market," Duo said. "Since we came all this way, we might as well see what else there is to buy. Besides, I'm sure Roku would like to see it."

"Yes, please!" Roku said. "But may I walk?"

"Ok, but you have to walk and you have to stay right next to me. No bounding off."

"Yes, Papa Duo."

Heero was not interested in shopping, so he leaned up against a post supporting an awning near the edge of the market. "I'll wait here."

"Let's see if the cloth merchants have any new silk," Duo said. "I'm thinking of getting a shirt made."

"You're nuts, Duo. Cotton is more practical for everyday wear," Wu-Fei said.

"Maybe so, but it doesn't feel anywhere near as nice."

Roku obediently stayed right by Duo's legs, but after a while he began to growl softly.

"What's the matter, Roku?" Duo asked.

"I smell the bad men."

"What do you mean 'bad men'?" Duo asked.

"The ones Papa Heero was jousting. I smell them."

"You mean the French knights? Where?" Duo looked around. Wu-Fei looked, too.

"I see them," Wu-Fei said suddenly. "They're hassling Heero." He sprinted away.

"Dammit!" Duo shouted and he took off after Wu-Fei, with Roku at his side.

Fifteen angry French knights were confronting Heero.

Heero looked like he could spit nails. "The joust is over, gentlemen. Why don't you go back to France?"

"We will leave when we have had our revenge," said one angrily. He seemed to have the best command of English. "You dishonored De Croix Vert! You dishonored us all!"

Heero ground his teeth. "I did no such thing. It was a simple joust. I was just better."

There were angry cries from the gathered knights.

"Ho!" the first knight cried. "Again you insult us! No mongrel knight is better than the flower of France!"

Wu-Fei skidded to a halt behind the group. "Back off! This is no place to be picking fights!"

Several of the knights turned. A few looked alarmed at seeing Roku standing next to Duo, but when they saw Quatre was not with them, their arrogant confidence returned.

"You are no match for us without your wizard friend!" the knight said. He stepped toward Roku with his hand on his sword. "Your little tiger does not frighten us."

"You outnumber us," Wu-Fei replied evenly. "Is that where you get your courage? Or is it because you know Arthur has restrained Heero from kicking your sorry butts all the way back to France?"

The knight bristled. "You could not defeat me were I alone!" he declared. He yanked his sword from its sheath. "I have had enough of your insults!" He swung his heavy blade at Wu-Fei's head.

The knight never saw Wu-Fei draw his kitana, but suddenly he found himself staring down at the red pile of his own guts. The look of utter astonishment remained on his face even as he collapsed to the ground dead.

The other knights stared, momentarily shocked. Then with cries of outrage, they charged at Wu-Fei, drawing their swords.

Duo scooped Roku up with one arm and skipped out of the way.

Heero didn't move at all. He just stood there with his arms crossed, watching the fight.

Wu-Fei sliced his way through the knights with graceful efficiency. The first to reach him lost his head. The second lost his sword arm just below the elbow. The third spilled his guts out onto the ground. And so it went. In less time than it takes to say "What the hell were they thinking?", Wu-Fei dispatched the fourteen remaining Frenchmen.

Dead silence greeted the spectacle of the blood-spattered Wu-Fei standing in the center of the gory pile of dead knights.

Then there was an explosion of applause and cheers. Townspeople came forward to pound Wu-Fei on the back and congratulate him on a job well done.

Duo strolled over to stand beside Heero. "Seems like those French knights weren't too popular."

"They were a bunch of assholes." Heero frowned. "But Arthur's not going to be happy about this."

"But you didn't do it! He can't be mad at you."

"That's not the point."

"Well, look at the bright side; they're not all dead. Jean-Pierre isn't here."

"Oh, yeah, that makes everything all right!" Heero snarled sarcastically.

"We'd better get back to the castle," Duo said. "Maybe if we explain to Arthur that we were provoked before he hears the story from anybody else, it won't be so bad."

"Somehow, I don't think it will make any difference."

It didn't make any difference. Arthur was terribly upset when he was informed that the entire contingent of French knights, except for Jean-Pierre Galvoisin de Croix Vert, who was still laid up with his injuries from the joust, had been killed in a brawl in the marketplace. The fact that Wu-Fei had done it and not Heero seemed to upset him even more.

"What a double-standard!" Duo whispered to Wu-Fei. "A knight can break a promise and kill other knights, but if a non-knight who hasn't made a promise does it, it's worse?"

Wu-Fei just shrugged.

Quatre glared at Duo. "Shut up, Duo! I'm still pissed at you for letting my baby witness a massacre."

"I'm not a baby!" Roku growled. He squirmed in Quatre's arms but Quatre clearly had no intention of putting him down.

The five pilots and their son stood before Arthur in the main hall. Arthur looked a little frail sitting on his throne, with his crown canted slightly over to one side.

"Sir Heero," Arthur said, "while I recognize that you kept your word to do no grievous harm to our French guests, it would have been better if your comrades had held themselves bound by the same oath. I have no idea how I will explain this terrible breach of courtesy to the French court." Arthur frowned unhappily. "I will have to make some gesture of remorse."

Merlin, standing beside Arthur, looked very worried. He leaned over and whispered into Arthur's ear, glancing repeatedly at Roku and Quatre. Arthur began to look worried, too. He straightened slightly. "You gentlemen have been guests in our court for some months now. While we have been honored by your presence, perhaps it is time for you to move on." He licked his lips.

"And go where?" Quatre replied testily.

Merlin paled and Arthur licked his lips again.

"Ahh… well…" Arthur began uncertainly.

"May I make a suggestion, Your Majesty?" said Percival.

"Please!"

"Perhaps these good gentlemen would care to accompany on my upcoming quest. Their many skills might prove useful in this endeavor."

Arthur brightened immediately. "Why yes! That is a marvelous suggestion, Sir Percival! Your quest would surely benefit from the addition of such fine gentlemen to your party."

Quatre's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "What kind of a quest? I'm not doing anything that will put my son at risk."

"The greatest quest on which any man can embark," Percival stated piously. "The Quest for the Holy Grail."

Five jaws dropped in unison.

"Are you serious?" Duo exclaimed.

"This is a most serious matter," Percival replied gravely. "Whether or not a man finds the Holy Grail, the quest itself will surely bring enlightenment. And perhaps, should you choose to join me in this endeavor, you will find the means to return home."

The five pilots looked at each other.

"Well," said Heero, "I have been getting a little bored lately."

"I wouldn't mind seeing more of England," said Wu-Fei.

"The castle has started to feel kind of small," said Trowa.

"I've finished all the books in Merlin's study," said Quatre.

"Road trip!" cried Duo.

"Mama, what's a Holy Grail?" asked Roku.

-o-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-

And thus ends the exciting saga of Gundam Wing and The Knights of the Round Table!

But don't despair!

The story will continue in the all-new, even more exciting sequel:

**Gundam Wing and The Quest for the Holy Grail**

which I swear I have already started writing!


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